DARE 💖 Style

Chapter Twenty-Six 💖

Friday, May 21st
Stan's POV
1772  words
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Later into the day we were still at Kyle's parent's house. I had just been hiding in the truck for the majority of the time. I had cried a few times, I'm not going to lie. I really regret showing up. I sigh looking down at my phone as it buzzed. I looked at what it was, and it was a text from Kenny that read "Dude, come back in." I sighed and shut my phone back off. I really don't want to.

Yet I did anyways. I reluctantly went back into the house. It seemed most of the guests had left and now it was just Kenny, Cartman, Butters, David, Kyles parents, Ike, and Kyle. His parents were somewhere else but everyone else remained in the living room chatting when I walked in. David was sitting close to Kyle. Really close. Were they together now? No. No way. Right?

I walked in, sitting next to Kenny on the floor. I sat there silently as everyone else chatted, staring at the floor. Why did Kenny want me here so badly? I started to zone out, ignoring the voices of the others around me, letting my mind wonder. "Stan." I looked up quick as I heard my name. I hadn't noticed, but the others had left, I could hear them in the kitchen. It was just me and Kyle now "Oh.." I said simply "Um.. Yeah?" I asked.

"We need to talk later." He said simply before walking off. I sat there, confused. When? Why later? Why not now? I let out a long sigh as I stood up, going to the kitchen with the others. We stayed at Kyles house for what felt like an eternity. At some point I got sick of sitting inside just listening to everyone else chat. I stood up, walking out the door and sitting out on the steps. I shivered as I stepped out. Leave it to southpark to have it snow in the middle of May..

I pulled my hood up, looking down at the snow falling quietly, not making a sound as it landed on the already snow covered ground. It was dark, yet I could see my breath. I jumped a bit as I heard the door behind me open. I glanced over as Kyle stood above me. He stayed silent for a moment before sighing "Mind if I sit next to you?" he'd ask. I shrugged "It's a free country." I said looking forward. He giggled a bit "You've been quiet in there.." He said simply "Yeah, I just.. Don't want to ruin shit and all.." I told him simply. "Ruin what..?" "Everything? You seem pretty happy I just- Didn't want to walk in and fuck shit up for you.. I'm the one that- Well.. You know.." He nodded "Yeah." He said softly.

We both went silent for a moment, listening to the wind blowing softly "I'm sort of glad Kenny invited you." He told me "What..?" I asked

"Yeah, I know, weird and all but I guess I just sort of missed seeing you despite still being upset about what you did." I looked up at the star covered sky, snow falling down "Do you still love me?" I asked him after a long time of silence "Stan I-" he sighed "It's complicated." he said simply "You did something so fucked up, I really don't know that I can trust you again.." He told me "I know. I get that.. I'm sorry." I told him "I fucked up big time, I understand that.. I don't know that I'd ever trust myself again, I'm a pretty shitty person." I said feeling my eyes water up "I hate acting like I'm the victim here, I'm the one that took that dare, I'm the one that thought Cartman would hurt you and that you wouldn't be able to handle it yourself because I suck so much." I said feeling tears streaming down my face "All I ever do is fuck up shit, even the shit that I want to fuck up the least." I took a big breath "I'm always just holding myself back, ruining my own chances at happiness and fucking up big time. I'm sick of pretending I'm the victim when in reality I do shit like this to myself all the fucking time." I said laughing a bit

"But no, this time- This time was really just the icing on the fucked-up-cake. I hurt you so bad- I hurt you so so bad and you didn't even deserve it all.. Yet you got through it, you stayed strong, I mean, you fucking graduated!-" I sighed "I'm just.. Sorry it had to end up this way.. sorry I had to fuck shit up and be the worst boyfriend and the worst best friend in the whole world." I told him simply, squeezing my eyes shut "I've loved you so much, for so long, never even knowing- And I finally realized and you were gone and now I just hate myself so fucking much-"

I opened my eyes as I felt him put his hand on my cheek. Am I dreaming? He turned my head to look at him "Don't cry." he told me softly, taking my hand "It's okay." He told me. I hugged him close, sobbing into his shoulder "I miss you Kyle." I sobbed "I miss you so much, please, please be my friend again- Please be my super best friend again-" I sobbed to him "I miss you so much, I just want my super best friend back." I sobbed to him. He rubbed my back,  listening to me cry begging him to be my best friend. I pulled away looking at his face. He was crying.

"Kyle.." I whispered sadly. He sighed "I miss you too Stan but-" He looked away "I know you've apologized, but I'm still hurting from what you did and I just really don't know if it's worth it because I don't want to get hurt more but I don't want to hurt you saying no." He said sadly, shutting his eyes and leaning forward into my chest, hugging me. I hugged him back gently rubbing his back.

"I understand that." I told him softly "But it doesn't hurt to try does it?" He looked up at me, pulling out of the hug "It could Stan! That's exactly why I don't know..! I don't know so much right now and a romantic relationship is just going to make me so stressed and I just can't do it after what you've done Stan.." He told me.

"I wasn't saying "let's get together again.", Kyle. I was saying, please.. Can we just be friends again? Act like things stayed the same, act like I never hurt you like I did when I didn't want to.." He looked away.

"Stan I don't know-" "That's okay Ky." I said smiling down at him. My heart was hurting so bad. I wanted to kiss him right now so bad, why am I such a fuck up?

"Look, I can't promise you that everything will be the same- I can't promise that I won't still sort of upset with you for a while.." He started "I can't promise that we'll ever be a thing again but.." He sighed looking down, tears forming in his eyes.

"Why is this so hard, I've missed you so much.." He said quietly "Getting through college without hardly anyone at home was so hard.. There were so many times I was so  ready to just toss in my hat and call it quits." he said, a few tears streaming down his face "There were so many times where I missed you.. When I missed the way you'd hold me when we slept together, when I just wanted to be held in your arms again.. A few times I was so close to unblocking you and calling your number.. But something stopped me, I wanted to be done wanting you, done needing you- done loving you.. And I thought I was." He said softly "But then I saw you again today and I just-" He sighed deeply "I wanted to hug you and punch you st the same time.. So many unfamiliar feelings and I just don't know how to feel anymore." He said softly

"I just don't know anymore..! I miss being your friend so much, when we'd just hangout- When you stayed up with me while I studied, keeping me company, making sure I ended up in my bed asleep instead of on my desk.. When we would just do crazy stuff because it was fun- When things were different, when you never knew I liked you.." He told me "And I just- Know that's just not possible ever again and it makes me want to just cry and cry and cry." He said softly, sobbing to me "And I have, and I did, and I still am." He said "And I just don't know anymore Stan.. I don't know.." He said breaking down "I don't know anything- I don't know how to feel twords you, what job I want, what job I'll have-" He said shutting his eyes "I don't know anything.." He said softly "And I hate it.." He finished quietly. His knees were up to his face, his arms wrapped around them.

I rubbed his back softly "Nobody can ever know everything. It's such a hard thing to do." I told him "Breathe with me, okay?" I asked him." He sighed and nodded. He then followed my breathing as I took deep breaths with him till he was calmed down.

After drying his tears, we looked at each other. Right into each others eyes. My face went a little red as his eyes stared into mine. He sighed contently, hugging me close "I made up my mind Stan.. Let's be friends again." He said happily.

I smiled brightly, hugging him closer. I don't care if we are dating or not; I have my best friend back.

After awhile we pulled away, looking at each other.

"What did you want to talk about?" I asked him. He sighed "I know we haven't really talked since.. it.. Happened- And don't get me wrong, I'm still very pissed about it but- I'll be honest, now with me being home more till I find a good job, I'm going to be really alone.. So I was wondering, now that we're friends again.. Could you be my roommate again?"

I smiled "Of course Kyle. I'd love to."