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Finally, today's shift is done.
Apparently the boy's name is An and he's Chinese. He's going back there soon for the funeral and that's why he was stuck at the daycare today.
His father took a day off for himself to mentally prepare.
He hugged me tight before leaving. An thanked me multiple times— he couldn't stop crying. It changed something inside of me.
Now I'm on my way home. Jisung's been waiting all day and I feel considerably bad. I hope he isn't that upset.
Even though we haven't spent that much time together, his absence kind of ruins everything. He really is fun to be around.
He deserves a good apology.
"I um, wanted to tell you that I'm really sorry." I say out loud, not even realizing it. It's a relief that there's nobody out this late at night.
Right— the job ended too late tonight. Some parents didn't come to pick up their children so we had to stay for two more hours. Then when I thought that I could leave, Hyunjin asked me more general questions about myself.
We drank some juice and time flew.
It's past nine now.
"Jisung, I deeply apologize for saying that. I didn't mean any of the words I said." I try again, making a foul out of myself.
Gosh, why is it so hard to apologize?
My house is far away from here. If the walk from my home to the beach takes at least thirty minutes that means the route from the daycare to my place could take one hour.
That's too long. I wonder what Jisung's doing. Hopefully he's resting well.
Did I really hurt him?
"I'm so sorry for everything. I'll make it up to you, just please don't be sad."
This is bullshit.
I walk on the right side of the street, the beach next to me. I'm fighting the urge to go for a swim. If only I hadn't fucked this up, right now I'd be chilling.
Chilling and not anxiously munching on the inside of my cheek.
With my peripheral vision I see something far away, somewhere on the shore. I can't tell if it's a human or an animal because it disappears just as quickly.
That's weird, but it's probably from the lack of sleep combined with overworking, I think.
The store I buy groceries from comes into view and it motivates me to hurry up. It's unbelievable how fast I'm going to arrive home today.
Still, I continue walking with big steps that advantage me. It's an emergency. I have to apologize.
My mother will be so disappointed in me if I don't.
