strangers by the shore ♒︎ minsung

⭐︎ᶠᶦⁿᵃˡᵉ

My dear Minho,

b̶a̶b̶y̶

Minho, I'm writing to you while you're probably pacing around the house, wondering where I am. I'm sorry... have you been worried?

Truly, I hadn't meant to trouble you once again by leaving just like that, but I had to do something before the inevitable happened— that being what's meant to come to life once the fireworks go off.

You're surely thinking if I'm safe and sound. Yes, I am. I have been safe. Untouchable. Unreachable. You don't have to be concerned about that. Yeah?

Surprisingly, I found myself going back to the place I couldn't bear to call home. I'm sitting cross-legged in what used to be my room. It's full of dust and spiders. It's a bit scary. I wish you were here, Minho.

My parents didn't notice me. Of course, haha. They can't... at all.

Did you know that you're the only one who can see me?

Ehem.

Before anything else, I want to deeply apologise for losing Doongie. I am so incredibly sorry for that. For drinking while knowing how much you despise that. It was childish of me. I promise that I won't be upset if you choose to resent me for that.

Are you mad at me?

What a shame that I won't ever be able to find out the answers to some of the questions in here, because by the time you are reading this, I will have already died.

No... that's not really it, is it?

Truth is, I've been dead for many years now. I've kind of lost count.

Explaining things is a challenge for me, because sometimes the memories come rushing inside my head, and I freak out. Is it okay if I freak out? You won't be repulsed by it, right?

Anyhow, you're probably thinking how and when and where. It's human to wonder.

This is going to sound like I'm reminiscing about one of the books my grandmother would read to me when I was young, but I'm stuck in an interstice between life and death.

I'm dead, but I can't die.

It's like— I can't reach home, Minho. I can't reach the stars. Why must they be so far away?

Everything I want seems to be inaccessible. Your love... Doongie... my grandmother... hell, even my parents. Sometimes.

Am I undeserving of those?

Don't try to answer. I won't be able to hear you anymore. Once the curse wears off, there will be no more Han Jisung. My particles are going to disperse in the air and become one with the wind.

That's what I always wanted. That's what I've been looking for these past years. That's why— why I had to lie to you.

Minho, I'm terribly sorry.

There was no other way for me to be free. Trust me, I tried. I tried, and I kept trying, and in the painful end, it was all in vain.