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My mind can't stop replaying the sensations over and over again.
It's been like, a day already. I need to get over it.
It wasn't even that special. Like, me and my mother did that too. Well, obviously, we're not anything like that.
I'm making this weirder than it already is.
Jisung, who I could've sworn was on the terrace outside looking at the squirrels, aka his siblings, play together comes from behind me. "boo!"
Since I was pulled down deep in my own thoughts, I get startled and grunt loudly when the knife almost slices my whole index finger off.
"Ah, fuck."
Quickly, I rush towards the sink and put it under the freezing cold now running water. It stings, but I'm used to pain.
Red liquid flows out. It's not a lot, though. Whenever I'd cut my wrists open there was much more.
My not existing teardrops can't be bottled, yet my blood could be.
Am I strange for missing the sight of a gory scene I created like that?
"Shit, I'm sorry." he comes from behind, not moving to the side, like a normal human being, where there's space. He stays behind me, his chin resting on my shoulder.
His hands wrap around my injured one and he lets it stay under the water as though that's not what I've been doing.
To my distress, he lets his chest brush against my back and hot breath on my nape.
The only cold thing about him is his pale skin.
Excuses. These are just excuses to touch me. It's my fault, after all. It's my fault that he's bolder now.
I bite my tongue, unliking the feeling of an open cut that isn't self-inflicted. "It's fine, let go."
"Just let me help."
"Okay."
After the bleeding stops— which takes a while, by the way— he wraps some tissues around my finger. We ran out of bandages.
"There." Jisung sighs, placing a light peck on it.
"Damn."
He winks, still holding his hand against mine. "get used to it, baby."
"How do you know how to clean wounds?" I ask, changing the subject. My tired eyes focus on his.
"I told you, I used to take care of myself cause nobody would. Plus it's not that hard."
"It's not, but with the lack of knowledge you own about chemistry, it might be dangerous. I'm just saying."
"Mean." he smacks my shoulder and turns around, tripping over himself.
