thorns and other maladies

18

i have spent years in the gas chamber
like an inmate on death row
waiting for my lungs
to finally just shut down
for the pain of choking on poison air
to finally cease
i have spent years
waiting for that moment
and then it never came
i breathed in the poison
and i survived it
lived through it
by some miracle of god
and i should be thankful
but what am i supposed to do now?
there is no guide for the aftermath
no where to look up the answers
to questions i don't even know how to ask
they have all the bandages when you're bleeding
but no way to stop the ache in your scars
no magic pill to quell your phantom pain
you step out of the grave
and into this clean air apocalypse
with nothing but your lungs
and your chipped teeth
and your scar tissue
and no idea how you're supposed to live now
to pick up and move on
and not want to shatter
or let the earth swallow you whole
after all the suffocating
you are just supposed to know how to breathe
i could survive the poison
i could take the pain
i could cough up the blood
and stomach it all
but this
this might kill me