thorns and other maladies

21

when everything ends,
you are reminded of all the reasons why it should.
like:
how he didn't listen when you said no sometimes.
or how often he would hate on your friends
for no particular reason.
how confrontational he was.
how you were never sure if he meant it
when he apologized.
or how you always ended up fighting.
—and yet.
you still want to run right back.
you still have that part of you that hopes
despite all the odds
despite all the failed second chances
despite every logical thought in your brain
that he can change
that he will change
that somehow someway
you get to have your cake and eat it too.
to have him and yourself too.
to have him and your dignity too.
but you don't ever get that, do you?
sometimes you just have to accept
that love is not always worth it.
not when it's like this.
not when it's like this.