thorns and other maladies

61

i wonder if i'll ever be able to sleep alone
or if i will always rely on the comfort of ghosts
to lull me into the dream world
if they will always slip in the cracks
left between my waking and sleep
and mingle with my fantasies
or if they will grow tired of me
and leave to haunt someone else's bed
—perhaps they'll take the shape
of another person's grief
and find that form more appealing
maybe they'll decide mine is too boring
to justify the burden that it comes with—
whatever they do
whether they leave me emotionally destitute
or stay to loiter around my death bed
a small, sickly part of me
(that holds on to their pale hands
grasping onto them like a lifeline)
takes comfort in their hauntings
would miss them desperately
and feel betrayed if they moved on
and another part of me
(a much more bitter part of me
that anguishes in their idle lingering)
curses them over and over to never rest
to walk the earth like a silent lullaby
wishing to condemn them
to the very same fate as me
regardless though
however i feel about my ghosts
and their sweet-dream torment
they still haunt my bed nonetheless
slipping into the cracks
left between my waking and sleep
tucking me in
and pulling the sheets to my chin
lulling me into dreams

—grief comforts me