thorns and other maladies

32

the mirror disgusts me.
look at this stupid pretty girl
with her stupid pretty hair
and her stupid pretty face.
she makes me sick to my stomach.
all these years
and all this effort
and the only thing she can do
is sit there and look pretty.
she's too weak to do anything else.
too weak to stick to her values
too weak to even argue.
all she does is let everything happen
acting as if she is so powerless to stop it
instead of actually doing something
instead of sticking up for herself.
she lets people call her names
and disrespect her to her core
she lets them steam roll
everything she has ever believed in
and still she just sits there.
shell-shocked and crying
too afraid to say no
to be anything but complacent
to be anything but complicit.
all she does is stare in the mirror
and look at her stupid pretty self
with her stupid pretty face
and her stupid pretty hair.
so utterly pathetic.
so fucking disgusting.

—self-loathing