The MakeUp Artist Internship

Back Home In Indiana (1993)

     I could do hair, nails, and skin.  My first job was at a tanning Salon and I did nails, hair, and skin,.  It was basically strippers, older women, tanners, and sorority girls.,   Some I liked.  Others were chirpy bulldozers.   I was really emotional.  I wanted Jennifer McCleary to quit talking h about her parties, boyfriend, and perfect life. I missed Johnny, my tits throbbed, and I was getting fat.   I was eating a lot.   I had been home three weeks and no period.  It felt like I could start and gush everywhere.   However, the weekend when I got back, I couldn't stop farting.   I didn't know what was wrong.   I just felt tired and sort of miserable.   Then I got the job at Dillard's by the end of September, and my period still hadn't arrived.   Johnny hadn't called either.   I was his summer fling,   I was his getting off with a person instead of a hand.   I didn't matter to him and I fell into a depression.   I was tired.  I was working two jobs, trying to get ahold of Johnny, and I was more than likely pregnant.   I was not getting an abortion, so I wasn't getting a test or letting my mom know.   After 12 weeks I could not get an abortion in Indiana so I kept quiet.

     Because I went to beauty school AND  college, I didn't have time to make good friends.   I didn't have a friend I could call and say, "Hey, this is happening to me."   I called Elise and asked for Johnny's number.  "Oh, I don't have it," she said.   She asked if things were okay. They weren't.   I was "late".  I had been a. Week late but not a month.  NOW it felt like my uterus was being pinched.   However, one morning our cat Natasha as my mom fancied  Russian Blues used the litter box and the smell made me throw up.   I was pregnant. 

     "Gross, Amy," Sarah said.
"I don't feel good."
"Are you pregnant?"  She did the finger gesture of the penis in the vagina.   "Is it Johnny Depp's?"

     I peed myself all over the kitchen.   "Please don't tell mom."
"How much?" 
"An outfit at The Limited and your favorite Hydration Plus."
"And?"
"I will do your nails for free at The Sun Studio."
"Yes."

    I was being extorted by my sister. However, she saved me until Christmas time when I was really beginning to show....

    It was a cold Christmas I remember that. I went to church with my family. I had a pretty dress on. It fit, but was snug. We loaded in the car and went to Westfield United Methodist Church. I sat in the back. I was pretty low. I spent most of the day crying. I went to see Dr. Miller, my OB/GYN. I was fifteen weeks. I wore a sort of form fitting dress. Mother thought I was gaining weight because of the stress but she was going to find out. We walked into church. My mother, who was the socialite of the church had her two beautiful girls. However, when I took my coat off, my mom gasped. "How long have you hid THIS?" She said.

    We get through the service and a little family get together, but mother made her first dig at me.

    "You look so pretty, Amy. California did a lot of good for you," My aunt said. My Grandma cringed.
"Well, she obviously spread her legs for SOMEONE!" Mom said.
"Gail, calm down."

    Grandma took me aside and said, "It was that Johnny wasn't it."
"Yes,". I began to cry.
"Has he called you."
"Not since before we left."
"I hate to say it but he just fucked you and fled."
"Grandma, mom is going to kill me."
"If she does, I will take you in. I knew Johnny liked you but he's a big star and big stars don't date innocent, beautiful girls. It's not that you're ugly, I am sure he liked you, but you are from Indiana and he is from a different world. Have the baby and raise it well. Don't mention the father, find a kindhearted man who will take both of you and move on."

    Her advice stung and she was right but I had to face my mother. She was fuming. The whole way home when I mentioned something she'd say, "Stupid slut." When we got in the house, I went into my room and got into my pajamas. She barged in and slapped me across the face. "How could you? You have a promising career and after what you dad and I did to make sure you had a trade you go off and fuck someone in Hollywood and get pregnant."

    "I'm not getting an abortion," I said.
"Who is the father?"
"I can't say. He's pretty famous."
"Do you have any contact information for him?"
"I gave him our phone number."
"You dumbass. You need to call him because he needs to pay. You have this child. It's YOURS. Don't ask us to babysit. You find it childcare and you pay us rent!"

      I did call the Viper Room and never got ahold of him. I never got him and messages were ignored. He had moved on and left me with a baby on the way. My dad told me how I ruined my life, had no chance at a good marriage and I was on a quest to prove both of them wrong. I'd find a guy who would love me enough to marry him and take care of a lovely child.

    Christmas Eve 1993, I sat in the bedroom of my girlhood home, holding my belly and crying. "It's going to be okay, baby."