The MakeUp Artist Internship

The Saturday After Thanksgiving

     Mom said she was busy at the shop on social media.   Well, all the holiday parties were starting.   I remember so many Saturdays at the home on New Mexico Ave spending it with Rob or babysitting Hannah in later years, watching the traffic go to the mall wishing I could go there with my mom.   She was always at the mall.  In fact she hated the mall.   I had been reading her diary all day.   She wrote about dates they went on and how she wanted to die because he was "so farking embarrassing"   "I had been spared having intercourse with him on the cruise.   I guess that made him mad as he was sexting another woman.  I called him on it, and he started to cry and said he was at fault, and to not leave him;.   Like a fool, I stayed.   I hate myself for this."  

      I paint the restaurant before they open.  For old times sake, I stop by the shop.   The smell of patchouli, nag champa, and eucalyptus envelop me.  Sophie looked fatter than ever.  Sadie looked tired.    They weren't rude to me, but they weren't welcoming either.    I left and went to Charisse's.   I walked the dog and myself there.   I was staying overnight and I didn't want Venus to be lonely.    It was two miles to her house on a balmy day.   We walked and we got to her house.  I rang the gate and she let us in. 

      "I thought you would ASK before you brought her but that is okay.   You look cute.  Your cheeks are red."

"Are you feeling better?"

"I did have a lot of wine.   Look, Artemis loves her."

"Yeah."

"A perfect couple.   Just like us."

"Yeah."   She put her arm around me.  "It's a beautiful day.  Let's take a walk."

"Sure."

"Let's to to the Bible college.   It is so beautiful on warm days like today."

      The Bible college had been on that land for years.  Some of the old buildings were still there.   However, some were replaced with those cookie cutter ones from the fifties and sixties there.    We walked along the lake holding hands.    We made small talk about our college experiences.   She was a feminist on college   "I was so anti sorority it wasn't funny.  Funny how you just joined in and were a sorority girl," she said   "It was at a commuter campus.  There was not much to do,"  I said  "There is always something to do other than talk about such antiquated things," she says, stroking my hair.   "I wish I would have met you in college."   I said, "Same."   She kissed me and grabbed my ass.  "Oh our present came today."  She kissed me.   "Let's go back to the house."   I agreed and we walked back.   

      "It seems more like September," I said.

"It does.  Memories of drinking with the girls and pranking the boys."  

"I had to babysit my sister.  I didn't have a lot of friends.  Plus, our neighborhood was sort of run down."

"Darling?"

"Yes?"

"Never mention that."

"What?"

"Where you are from.  Just don't. It really cheapens you."

     I don't answer her.   She gets out the present.   It's a double headed dildo.    "It's nice."   We stray it out for the afternoon.   She keeps looking at me and I look at  her, but sometimes I think of siting on Scott and wishing I were with him.   Maybe if I kept talking about things that she deemed low class, she would get so mad that she would break up with me.   

     After our afternoon rendezvous we took a nap and it was glorious.   I texted mom about her day.   She said she as resting against Johnny and life was good.   I got out one of my mom's dairies and read them alongside her  It was getting good.  It was before the first time mom broke up with him.;  

       "I went to his work Christmas party and I was so embarassed.  First of all he wore this ugly black suit with a green tie.   I was so embarrassed.   Then over dinner he told a very proper couple that the pudding reminded him of when he got a cyst on his butt squeezed.   I was so grossed out.   I just wanted to crawl under the table and die.   He kept saying, 'this is my babe and she looks just like Charlize Theron, doesn't she?   I am going to take her home and show her a good time.'  I was so annoyed.  Then he rode the train in the display and I wanted to fucking die.   Today is one of those days I miss the fuck out of johnny and wished I would have said, 'No, Grandma, I am staying!  YOU can go home.'  Then we danced and he hung onto me and his penis touched my leg as he freeballs it and I was so grossed out.   We went back to his place and he put that prickly, five inches in me and I wanted to die.  I looked at him but imagined me hiking at Turkey Run State Park.  It's the most beautiful place on earth."   

     Mom was a very private person  She hated being paraded around as his 'Charlize Theron" girlfriend and how nice her body was  It wasn't.   SHe admitted to missing JOhnny more than anyone in this world.   "Just got home from dinner and I just am so down   Is this as good as it gets?  I miss johnny but I am sure he has a model he is seeing and she has no belly or saggy tits.   Johnny would not want 2017 Amy.   I wished he would have called me like i have fantasized so many times and took me back to CA.  Sure i would see my parents every other summer but I would have been HAPPY!  I don't feel beautiful when I am with Jeff.   I hate his prickly ungroomed pubic hair and prickly penis. I feel so gross.   When I go home I scrub myself crazy.   I feel so ugly and cry wen people say, 'but you make such a great couple.'  Yeah, us fat chicks can't get anyone.'   I bet I would still be thin if I was with Johnny!"   

      My heart ached for my mother....