The MakeUp Artist Internship

Getting Back To The Swing Of Things

     I had a date.   It was one of Judy's friend's sons.  His name was Travis and he was very smart,  but he wasn't me.   He was a. Loose and I liked dark haired, or bald guys.   Who I really wanted to love and spend the rest of my life was with someone else.   Plus, Travis wanted a more demure lady, not someone who smoked cigars at O'Reilley's.   He and I talked about where we went to school, the Greek System, and our majors.  Mine was art.   He told me that was a "worthless" degree.   That hurt and then I said, "I have a very famous father."   Actually, he was leaving in a few days.   "Um, you have very dark brown eyes and cheekbones,   You look like your sister who is two of you.   It's Johnny Depp.  I wouldn't brag too much about it."   Travis made me feel stupid and belittled.   Maybe I needed to date a girl.   I did message Sadie.   I don't know what I wanted but Sadie was safe and maybe she had a change of hart.

      "I hope things are well for you.   I am sorry that things  didn't work out."   I wanted to write now I missed her and was sorry I was so stupid and embarrassing.   I wanted to tell her my heart was breaking. I cried most of the days I was not around her. She ignored my messages. "User has messages silenced". Scott and Lauren were on an uptick. Things were going well and I was brooding, despite Johnny's texts or mom's words to me. I know they knew how I felt.  I did tell my dad (Rob) and he said to get over it and I would find someone, but i had FIVE years with her.  FIVE.  

    I go to see my mom. She said, "After my divorce, it took me time to find the right groove. I did find a handsome guy, but his wife had cancer and she was going to recover eventually.  He strung me along and strung me along, telling me 'In a matter of time, you will be mine' and then in the end he texted me on Christmas Day and said, 'I think I need to stick with Beth.'. It hurt me to the core.   This was after he send me a dozen yellow roses." 
"It's just that I wasted a lot of time with someone."
"Don't think of it that way."
"All of my friends are married with babies on the way."
"You'll be okay. Trust me, you will, and if you marry a woman, you can always adopt an embryo."

    Mom's phone rings. It's Johnny. I listen.

    "Yeah, she's right here," she says. "Going to see Lily this weekend?" I nod. "Yeah, I will. She seems to be better. She was with her for five years though." She smiles. They chat a little and she says, "I will call you in an hour." I put the diary I have been reading back. It was when Dad wanted to "work things out." I really didn't know what went on when I was out with friends or at school. "He wants to work things out. We are going to make a garden. It's probably easier to work things out than date someone at my age, but he has been very abusive. Very. When he talks to me and when we are out and if there is a man he deems good looking, he pokes me in the ribs until I am bruised. I hurt.... I saw Everett downtown. I smiled and he looked the other way. Then I went to the Y that night and his wife was there and said, 'You keep your whore mitts off of MY husband. I cannot believe this!!"

    "Mom, I never knew," I said.
"Yep. And, I dated. I thought Erik Buffington was going to be the one. His wife would pass and I would get that home on Sherbrooke Lane. Then one Christmas he said, 'She's going to recover. Sorry, Amy.' I was crushed. You'll find the right one."
"But the ones who are my age and I am interested in have someone or don't like artists."
"Hey, you were the one that got me and Johnny back. It'l happen. Be patient."
"I just don't want to get stuck with someone like dad."
"If it weren't for dad, I would not know the love I am feeling with Johnny."

    She hugged me. I started to cry. "Go and have a good time with Lily Rose." I take the next few diaries.   1994-1997. Jeff Raypole was going to be a name in our lives for a while. "Well, he said he wanted a divorce last night and Jeff Raypole was in for the kill. He told me he was 'there for me' and maybe a coffee won't be that bad. He's actually looking good...". I want to tell her, "Mama, you are being desperate". Maybe I was being desperate. In some, weird way, I could see my life in the diary.   "Coffee isn't bad.  I said 'just friends' and he agreed.  I said I had gone through way too much to start right away."   By November mom's divorce was final and she moved on to someone really cute and had a great year with him, but Beth had cancer and wasn't expected to live, and mom was his ideal wife.   A smart, intellectual man who loved art and all things good.    I wondered if where the parallel on this one would be?

Johnny called me on the way home, told me, "Some day you will find that person that will curl your toes," he said.
"Yeah, but I just feel no one is interested.   I went to eat with some fuck the other night.   I told him I wasn't feeling well."
"You will find someone.   Trust me.   Don't rush into anything blindly."
"I know."

He talked to me all the way home, not AT me, but TO me and I appreciated it so.