The MakeUp Artist Internship

A Cold, Harsh World

    We read diaries all day on Saturday. It brought up a lot of sad memories, as this was the end of mom and dad's relationship, and also mom was never going back to the old mom she used to be. She was meeting new people and she was edging in on the top esthetician at Dillard's. The main one was, however,  close to retirement. We me and Sadie, I didn't make the breakup public for a few days, but after being with "such inspiring women" the night before, I knew my place, but when I did lots of questions, lots of unfriendings from her friends, and lots of "I am so glad you are done with her, time to move on,."

    I came home Monday night, as we were well into 2012, but it was just a bunch of fighting. I did go see her and Johnny. He looked really happy with mom and he gave me a hug and a kiss. Sean was learning how to get to my place of employment. "You walk that? In the dark?" He asked me. It was past a few shady bars. One has been an illegal gambling ring for years. 

    "You doing okay, babe?" Johnny asked.
"As much as I can be. Work was hard. When Judy hugged me I bawled and Paul told me to take a nap."
"You'll be okay. You were with her a long time."
"And she never missed a beat.  She's with Sophie." 
"Which speaks volumes about HER!" Mom added
"I did drunk text her about her passive aggressive post about being with 'women of substance'. It hurt."
"I am sure," Mom said. "She really hurt you."
"She did."

    I did make a post about it. "No. I am no longer with Sadie and it's okay. We wanted different things in our lives and I am okay with it. I won't lie, it does hurt, but in time I will be okay. Just give me space."

    I drove home and when I got there the Beemer was there and Lauren was in the living room with her sorority sweatshirt. I say hello. She looks at me like I am a piece of shit. I went upstairs to my room, buried my head in my pillow and bawled. My phone rang. It's Lily Rose.

    "Hello,". I say.
"Are you okay?
"Not really."
"Sounds like this girl really played with your mind."
"She did. We were besties and the sex was good. However, she paraded me around because I look like a fat you."
"I wouldn't say fat, but curvier. Just give yourself time. You'll be okay."

    At that moment, I was so pissed off at Sadie AND Sophie. Sophie paints herself as an ethereal woman who loves nature, and things she said to me were really rude and she was always rude to me. Sophie was quite critical of me and one time I got mad because someone I didn't deem attractive asked me out. She called me a "rude fucking bitch". Also, those dinners she invited influential women to, where you had to make a reservation and she hand picked them. She hurt a lot of women's feelings.   One time I was at the shop and our friend Penni was distraught about a friend trying to set her up with someone because she is not pretty or good enough and she told her to "quit whining".   Then she said, "I don't like Being brought into people's looks."   She called Penni "superficial" and rude and "as a fat woman, you hate to be insulted like you are insulting him.  Such a hypocrite!"   It was like they all ganged up on her saying she was "rude" and "ungrateful" for being set up.  Her feelings were truly hurt.

     I try and focus but it is so hard.   So, I get out a diary and read about 2012-2013, but something happens in 2013 that cuts my mom to the core.  Everett Burlieson was a good looking man.  He could have almost any lady in the county and mom found that out one day in the bathroom at the mall.  "I really though we would have a future.  I was thinking he would leave his wife, get a stipend, and then consider me.   However, he seems to have a younger and newer model.   I was going to the bathroom and two girls were in there, in their early twenties and the brunette said, 'I cannot believe I am fucking Everette Burlieson!!!'  I looked at her and said, 'The Matthew McConaughey lookalike?' And she said, 'Yeppers'."  I am so crushed and I refuse to see him.  I thought I was special.  I thought I was the one.   I told Ellie about  i and she said, 'You knew getting into this that this could happen.   Why are you acting surprised?  I mean if he cheats on one he cheats on the other.'   So, he asked to meet up tomorrow and I told him I was sick.   I am done with this."

    Well, that lasted until a few weeks later and mom was back to old tricks. Mom loved the attention, but this, new young girl in his life messed with her head. Mom had no one to talk to. Mom went mental because she realized that she wasn't a young thing and she began to do anything and everything to lose weight and preserve herself and it was entry after entry about her diet, looking good, her "competition" band it got to be boring, but I felt for her. She felt she wasn't beautiful because she was big, and one day over coffee she said, "I am glad Johnny has grown up. He told me 'Amy, I realize I am not thirty and you are not twenty two. You have things that have happened to you and I have had things that happened to me. We're old now. I love you regardless of your belly, or fat pussy. It still serves me well.'" It must be, they are at it all of the time....

    The diary is getting good as well....