The MakeUp Artist Internship

Lost And Alone

I got in and got out a diary and some wine.   It was now 2010 and mom had finished her schooling.   "I am so happy I am done, but a bit disappointed that the customers don't roll in like they told me I would.  I asked Everett about it and he said, "In time, doll."  Everett.  I wish he'd leave his wife.   I mean he tells me how she shuns sex, gives him an allowance, and treats him like an 'investment'.   'This skincare, it's my gift to me.'    Sometimes as I take care of his skin, he takes care of 'me'.   'Wear a pretty little dress', he tells me int hat Texas accent. 'Forget the panties,' he will say.   I love those days.   Maybe one day he will come in without that wedding ring on...". I sat on the couch.;  Mom and Johnny have texted me many times to day to see if I am okay, but crickets on someone I had been dating since 2017.   Even Scott asks me how I am doing.   "Hey, a few of the guys at the house think you are hot," he said.   Tears were flowing down my cheeks.   This hurts more than I thought.   I didn't want just a guy or just a girl.  I wanted Scott. 

It was in 2010, Mom began to make more and more money.  Her clientele grew.  Dad didn't like this as mom was starting to LOOK good as well.  That caused lots of fights.   I remembered them, as I was sixteen.  

"So, do you do guys skin?"  He asked one Saturday.
"I have male clients yes."
"I don't like that.  They could get ideas."
"I stroke women too."
"A lesbian, huh?"
"I am not a lesbian."
"Well you ain't giving it to me." 
"I am busy.  I work every day."
"You work it every day."

   She made an entry alluding to that day.  

"We got into it one Sunday morning.  Rob is onto me.   I have been cheating on him for almost a year.   It's not a badge of honor.  However, our time together really makes me feel like special,  ALMOST as special as Johnny but NO ONE would ever take HIS place, but he is happy in France with his model wife and beautiful children.  I am here with my beautiful girls, but love.   I knew it was never going to happen.  I just am not cut out for love...". 

"Looks like we are in the same boat Maman," I say holding up a glass.   I read more.  Mom's career was beginning to be on her side and she was talking about how she got to take us shopping for the first time how she wanted to for years.   I guess Hannah was so happy that she CRIED about it at school and a counselor called her and said how happy she was and my mom cried.  It was the first time, I got to look nice, too and I loved it.  Materially, it was. A good time for us.;  I finally got to wear new Aeropostale and Hollister, as mom and I went to the Junior League's sale and got used.   It felt good to do that for my kids.   It was a good summer as well.   Mom even joined Thornwood Swim Club and says were sent at the pool.  Mom made us wear sunscreen though, as she read a novel from her chair.   Mother pushed sunscreen.   Mother pushed skincare and water and eating right.   Mother was gorgeous.   The weight gain hadn't happened yet.  

"How are you doing, babe?"  Johnny asked.
"I'll be okay."
"You will.   I think you will.   Hey, if you want to spend some time with Lily Rose she said she could make some time."
"I would like that. I really would."

    I looked outside. I was really trashed. I looked at my phone and there she was next to Sophie who looked like a fat Angelina Jolie. "Out with some classy women tonight! Great conversation with smart, focused women." I began to cry. I sent a message to Sadie that I was sorry I was not as cultured as Sophie and she said, "Quit being a bitter bitch and grow up! I mean we get your dad is Johnny Depp but he is a wife beater and strong women do not like that. Look, I know you have been drinking and I will forget this conversation. Your immaturity was most of the reason we broke up. Think about it and go to therapy."

    My phone rings.

    "Hello?" I say.
"Hey." Lily says. "You okay?"
"Besides being trashed."
"Darling, how about you come out next week or the weekend after next and have some time with me."
"I'd love it."
"You need it."
"I think our parents are having fun though."
"Yeah, I kind of surmised that as my dad was fingering your mom and laughing. I could hear it."

    She and I talked for a few minutes and even Hannah said she 'Saw" "I am so sorry, sis. Wanna go get donuts tomorrow?" I told her, "How about greasy good at Big Bob's." She laughed. She said, "You're suffering alone. I am coming over." I told her she didn't have to. She said, "No. I want to."

    I just felt so lost and alone.