The MakeUp Artist Internship

The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter

    "Want me to come over tonight?" I texted Sadie.
"Frankly, I am out of spoons, so no."
"Okay. I have a headache anyway."
"Well, I think time away helps us. Look, if I don't see you, have fun in Cali."
"Okay."

    She didn't even say she loved me. It was over. It was all over. I was just a convenience for her. So, I drove home. Scott was home. It was dark. I missed those summer nights. I miss when everyone sits on the porch outside talking.

    "You're not seeing Elvira tonight?" Scott asked.
"I think we are on the outs."
"Really?"
"Yeah. How's Lauren?"
"At a Republican Women's meeting."
"Well you can't go to those."
"Where did you go?"
"To dinner with mom."
"How was she? Hot as ever?"
"Had a blonde wig on to her shoulders, black top, capri pants."
"Hot."
"She is and there is just something about her since she has been talking to Johnny. She has a lot more confidence."
"Sure. Sorry Rob is an ass."
"I wonder had he found out she was pregnant and he did the honorable thing, what his life would be like?"
"He'd probably not destroy hotel bedrooms and not have gotten in all that trouble. He loves your mom. You can tell. Well, lady, I am gonna turn in. Work tomorrow."
"Sure, and I am going to meet my mom at twenty four and twenty five."
"Oh, McGrath asked about you. Asked if I have seen your boobs."
"Very funny."

    At that moment, I saw us, on my bed, kissing. He was going to see my boobs some day.

    Mom did not value herself, she was still trying to find me a daddy. She had met a six foot guy from New Jersey "He's got dark hair and dark eyes and seems cool I have little Jade. Linda has been watching Jade so I just tell I have to work late, and Linda was my scout leader so she thinks I am just working over. I have met my match for Johnny in the bedroom. He is even bigger than Johnny. He's good at what he does. He plays football for the minor league team here...." However, he had a girl back home and one day as she traipsed back to her car after a romp, ea girl stopped her and said, "You're a real whore, sleeping with taken men and then pretending to be such a good mom when you're at the park with your kid. I am going to tell his girlfriend and you'd better watch your ass." She wrote about it. "I guess the guy I wanted to be Jade's dad HAS a girlfriend back in Boston. I have a split lip, bald patch, and a scrape on my cheek from where the girl shoved me. Polly from Dillard's wants me to press charges, but I slept with a fellow players girls boyfriend and that is one of the seven deadlies." She also told me, "I know you sleep around and I want you to look that beautiful toddler in the eyes and tell her what you do. I love you, you are building a clientele and now have a chance. I don't want to see you ruin it." In tearfully picked up Jade and went home. I looked at her with her eyes just like Johnny, looking at me when I fed her and I had to clean my life up.  Then the two men that I was having sex with proceeded to talk about me and how gross I was.  'She has a meaty pussy and her gut is the size of Texas.   She  sort of smells too.   She needs to shave that bush.  Let's go, man."   They told me 'See ya' and walked out the door.  

August 23, 1996. I can't believe I did this. I asked my parents if I could come home to live. They said yes. Polly, my manager took me aside and said my hard living had to stop and it has to. I haven't been a good mom on the days I went out. The time I brought two guys home, and her playpen was in the bathroom and we were going at it and I walked in and there she was with a blanket over her head, awake. I delivered that girl from this body I was defiling and I felt horrible. I want, and want to die. Those deep brown eyes deserve more. So, I gave Lena the rent, and I packed my Grand Am and moved home...". She dated a businessman, who was "rich but unattractive". Then she met my dad. Well, Rob and in a red camisole, jeans, and staxx, he seduced my mother and it was a whirlwind romance. My mom wanted to clean up hwr life, for like a day. Then she met Rob. Her life and mine changed, My simple life at home was not long lived.

"I went out with everybody from work, I wore my cure red cami and guess who asked me out? Rob! He is cute. He looks just like Tom Cruise. JUST LIKE HIM! He is a manager and he is funny, kind, smart, and I went home with him. He has a nice house on Ablemarle Court, a home I could call home. He is getting divorced though, but no kids. He seems cool with mine, which is a plus, not like Nick Close, want an asshole. Fuck him!" Mom slept with him and it was love, and she had a good job and would save him from being homeless. However, later on in her life she would say, "It was the era of poor decisions and I thought 'what the hell' and went with it. "Well, Diary, we are dating!!! Sure he parties a little too much, but his mom is a doll and watches Jade! I am lucky and then we get her, go to his house and fuck and fuck and fuck! He is ALMOST good as Johnny. Kate, Scmate!!! I have found THE ONE!!! He can have that bag of bones. He even said he loved little Jade. 'Her eyes though. They look like someone's'. I just lie and say her dad was Greek. 'He up and left me,'. I told him! 'Babe, I would never do that to you. Ever.'"

I was happy for my mom, for she deserved the world and I felt like she was going to get it. However, I finished the last book and would have to wait to get the other one. Maybe I would read when my mom and Johnny were out. I was going shopping with Lily Rose on Friday. I couldn't wait to read about that. We were leaving in thirty six hours....