The MakeUp Artist Internship

A Rainy Saturday Spent In The Late 1990s

The rain started in middle of the night. Sadie was snoring next to me. She looked peaceful. She was cheating on me and I wasn't doing a thing about it. I look up at the ceiling.  We've been "together" since 2017.   Five years.   I have been faithful and true except for when we have had a'threesomes with Elan and if she gives me permission.   It's a weird scene.   My mom would be VERY disappointed in me as it took her time being a lesbian and if she knew what I did sometimes.   However, there was a time and I am reading about it when she was roommates with Liberty and every other night one would go out, the other would babysit and sometimes guys were brought home.  Mom was doing a few college baseball players.    "Matt, John. And Tom."  Sometimes she would throw both of us in a crib and do the guys.   I was two and Annelise was four.   I kind of remember her.  Mom was no saint and I read she was with a woman.   "I went out to the hotel to the classy bar.  I met some businessmen there.   One was really cute and we got to talking about sex.   He said he his business partner were from Texas and were horny, so I went up to the room with the younger one.   We were fucking pretty hard.   The old one brings this girl on and they tell us to "play" together.   I admit I thought about it before but it was kinda gross and she wasn't into me.  So when I left, I just sat in the lobby and cried.   I miss Johnny and I don't know what I am doing.   Every time I see he and Kate in a magazine I want to bawl but that is who guys like Johnny are expected to date.   I bet he wouldn't want a thing to do with me now.   I feel so used."

    "Sadie, you gotta read this. Mom isn't perfect," I tell her.
"I always knew, Anyway, I'll read and go to the shop. I have some readings to do today."
"Okay. Are you coming back?"
"Not tonight. I need to stay with my dog and get my energy up."
"Okay." I was exhausted from last night and her largeness, robbing me of energy.
"I may be back Tuesday. I Just have a lot to do at the shop. Readings have been up."

    Mom met Rob when she had to wait tables at night as she bought way too many clothes and she worked at one of those novelty restaurants and one Tuesday nights, which she hated. "It's kids eat free night so I am not making any money and I may have to move home. However, I met HIM. He looks just like Tom Cruise in 'Top Gun'. He told me hello and I just knew that I was and am going to marry him, but he likes to drink." He did. However, he and my mom hit it off. They went to one of those nights at a bar where the whole staff goes after work and she went home with him. "Armed in a red camisole, I had my sights on Rob Thompson. He is so fine AND a manager of the restaurant! I see a future. Johnny who? He can have that bag of bones, Kate Moss! I found me someone just as handsome and he likes me!.... About Rob Thompson, I went home with him and he is second to Johnny by a little. Johnny who?" Life was good for my mom and dad and she stayed home and drank and I slept in the other room. By now we were living in his house. Liberty's house was messy and dirty. Mom wrote about that a few times. At the time, I was the hit of the family, the new, cute brown eyed girl who wore pretty dresses. Susan loved me and I got lots of dresses and nIce things.

"Things are going really well. I went to a colleagues wedding and Rob mentioned OUR wedding. I am glad he is so willing to be a daddy to Jade. Da,n Johnny must have known and he ignored me. I swear I would punch him in the face. He can have that skinny Kate. Sexist pig!!!" I think she was mad at Johnny but she was more hurt that he didn't rescue her. "We all went up to the lake for the weekend and little Jade was a hit. However, Laurel, Rob's sister noticed that her eyes look 'just like Johnny Depp'. I just played it off. Tonight, Rob talked of marriage again and ADOPTING Jade. I must say yes." I think the more I read, mom was deeply, deeply hurt by Johnny. Why didn't he call? Why didn't he follow through,
.

Two months into it, she finds herself pregnant. "I know I am and this time there IS no keeping it. He has already told me and I don't want this to happen, it also I am barely making it. I had 3.84 left after all the bills were paid. Thank God Rob works in a restaurant and me as well. I am so sick of flatbreads though.... Well it's two lines, the appointment is made ans i can't stop crying. I am killing my child but everything costs money. Plus I found out that this house is going to be sold in November. We will have no place to go. This neighborhood sucks anyway...." She wrote "I am trying so hard to be happy but if I didn't have Jade, I would throw myself into traffic on Arena Blvd...". She called the abortion "the worst day of her life". "I spent the whole day in this Emily lit room with girls who had regret or relief on their faces. I was the former. I was a boys wreck and cried through the whole procedure. Even the nurse said I didn't have to go through it. However, I knew I had to, They even asked if I was abused. Maybe mentally.... Rob said he "loved" Jade but then called her "bastardette". He didn't even take csre of her the day the abortion. Was passed out in the car she was crying and screaming. Her diaper was wet and she was sweaty, soaked, and she threw up. Not only did I not get to eat, I had to drive home and Jade had to ride home in her pajamas. Then he wanted me to suck him off when I put Jade to bed. Maybe we don't need the other baby. Then we have to move out. We have no home and are moving into a motel until we find a house. So, we are living in a hotel, but it does have a bar. The room is dated and cold. I keep Jade bundled up and won't let her play on the floor. I nod her and cry into her hair. She always smells so good. This is our life for now."

We did have a new home. It was his Grandma's. It was old, in a neighborhood like "The Outsiders" and for the rest of the decade, Mama tied to make it look nice. In 1997 she hoped Johnny would find her and take me and her back, but I got a baby sister and life was pretty good for a while. Hannah was beautiful and I loved taking care of her. Susan yelled at me and I was no longer the favored one. However, mama wasn't happy. She fell for men who talked to her, were kind to her. Dad was not. He loved to yell and scream at me and mama, mom wished he wouldn't make it more more than once. She wrote about it a lot some days...