The MakeUp Artist Internship

Getting To Know Amy

    I was so excited to get into my mom's house and she went to Trader Joe's and Kroger's and got ALL of my favorites.   Sadie was going to come over for a few days.  Scott said he'd miss my bisexual ass.   I am falling for him, but not admitting it.   He and Lauren are kind of on the outs.   I did invite him over to hang out for a BBQ,   "You can have friends over, but don't make it a drunk out and I guess you can have Sadie over, but sanitize the sheets," she tells me.  Sadie is a dirty girl.   Mom said she smelled like dog.   So, I headed over to her house on a Thursday afternoon.   I took Venus and she and Rosie played.     They were littermates.   I tried to relax.   My old room was a wig, makeup, hair, nails, clothes room.  I was going to sleep in mom's room.   It had a gray and pink theme.  She had my great grandma's Art Deco dresser, the one who went to Cali with me at seventy one. She lived in assisted living but still talks of California. "Almost seventy and playing Cali girls." I play with the night stand and I shouldn't have.   In the nightstand was a tablet, skincare and then the holy grail.  Mom had a long dildo.   Long and thick, and I gasped when I saw it. I would know the meaning behind it as I would get into my mom's journals and into her head very soon. 

     Johnny won his case the day before.  I was glad.   He had suffered so much.   The way his ex wife spoke to him. Was very reminiscent of how Rob spoke to my mom.  I was wondering if the note was shown to Johnny or would be shown to him?  Or, would he ever know how amazing I really am, or how beautiful mom is. Beside the dildo I did not even want to see or touch, there were some pictures. There was mom with her reddish professionally colored hair, beautiful face next to Johnny.  I have never seen these pictures.   One picture of her in a bikini and Johnny's arm around her waist.  One of them kissing and it wasn't him wanting to get off.  He was kissing her.  He wanted her.   He had a very genuine interest in her and my mom was a little minx back in the day.   I wondered if I was getting my start in those pictures.   Mother was very much in love and for a moment, I could feel her pain and disappointment when she was ghosted by him....   I wondered if he even cared?  I had a weird feeling he did and breaking up with her was something he did not want to do.   I think k he was pressured by people interested in his career.  

   Mom kept her diaries in her "room", notebooks by date written with her thoughts, dreams and fears in them.... I picked July 1993 as a place to start,   "Landed in this new strange place today.  Grandma and Blanche are old friends and they have been talking all day.  I met Elise, my ride to the studio today.  She seems nice.  She lives a few miles away...."   I read the passages for a few hours. My heart broke for my mom when she wrote,"Everyone is so pretty and I am just this blob,  no one wants to talk to me.  Grandma begins the lie of how beautiful I am.  She has to say it.   She's my grandma.  I know how they feel.  I am hating this.  I try hard to do a good job on people's skin and hair. That is what I am here for, not finding love.  I know I won't."   However, in two days he notices her.   "There's an actor who looks at me a lot.  He never says anything.  He is probably wondering how I can even breathe.  I am so hideous." A few day later he says her dress is nice and she "peed a little". However, they meet at a party and talk all night. We talked ALL night about where we are from, what we are about and he KISSED me. We kept to ourselves at this party, sitting at this floral booth and he leans on and KISSES ME! Yes, the heartthrob at 21 Jump Street. When we got to where I am staying this kiss made me weak in the knees. I am going to dinner with him tonight." Then mom makes me rethink mom altogether. "Well I just got home. I have been sucked and fucked. Amir NEVER did the things Johnny did. I am so sore. Johnny is quite large and my pussy is still thumping. Johnny is so romantic, pays attention to anything, and I have to pinch myself that he desires me." Then she wrote about squirting. "I took Johnny home last night and we ended up doing it on my bed. I was on top and when I was on him I came and then there was wetness all over. I didn't pee. I felt bad because I got it all over Johnny and he reassured me it was fine. I hope I didn't pee." I say, "Mom, you squirted and it's normal. You are so naïve." She did it a few more times because she said she was going to have to see the Dr about this "peeing problem" but didn't want grandma to find out. Mom was one of these girls I just wanted to hug. She was so innocent. She's be one Sadie would prey upon. Come to think of it, I was. Then there was the viper room where she was pleasured on every way possible. "We were done shooting by two. Johnny said he wanted to take me to his bar. So, I said yes. We spent the afternoon in his office. He said at least this week I was off my period. We did lots of things. Things that would make my parents send me to a convent for doing. Things my sisters never would admit to. I did anal. I swore I would never, but I did. It wasn't gross or scary and Johnny was so sweet and gentle. I guess I don't have a peeing problem. It's squirting and I did it all over Johnny's desk. It hold him I was so sorry and he laughed at me. He then hugged me. He says he likes me and my innocence. He knows I haven't been with every guy I see. He wants me to eventually come out here and I would in a heartbeat."

   However, things started to turn.  Johnny left town.   She left her home phone for her to call. "I am leaving tomorrow and no call.... I can't tell him properly goodbye. I left my phone number on his desk and I kept calling and calling. Tomorrow we leave and I am not ready to leave." Then the fight she had with GG. "She says I have to go but I don't want to. I want to tell him goodbye and she is saying, "Well you have no choice. You have to leave and now I am on the plane crying. Grandma is asleep. She said I have to stop crying when I get home. I don't feel good today at all. I am pukey and cryey today."

    I put the diary down and go get a drink. I had to work the next day.