𝘀𝗻𝗮𝗽𝘀𝗵𝗼𝗼𝘁? seventeen

⁷⁸: hansol's opportunity

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[private chat : mansol, kwanbooty]

mansol
seungkwan

kwanbooty
hm? is something wrong?

mansol
that's my question actually

kwanbooty
huh

mansol
are you okay lately?

kwanbooty
ofc i'm okay why would i not be okay
i'm never not okay
i'm always always perfectly okay

mansol
right 🤨

kwanbooty
i don't like this question HAHAH next question.

mansol
don't you get tired of listening?
do you ever just want to be listened to?

kwanbooty
hansol i'm warning you
don't make me cry.

mansol
well i hope you'd cry if you need to cry
not crying means you're bottling things up
you of all people should know that now

kwanbooty
i admire the sentiment but i don't want to burden others

mansol
but im asking to carry your burden
just let me carry it for a while
i know you're very strong but it's gotta be hurting those shoulders of yours by now, right?

kwanbooty
are you sure?

mansol
i wouldn't ask if i wasn't

kwanbooty
alright... but don't just listen
say stuff too or i'll feel all awkward

mansol
gotcha

kwanbooty
jeonghan doesn't like me.

mansol
what makes you think that?

kwanbooty
well it's not that he doesn't like me
i think he might like me a good amount which is more than i deserve but
he doesn't like me as much as i want him to
and i keep telling myself i need to accept that and let it go
but i don't know why i keep waiting for somebody to sweep me off my feet like i ALWAYS tell my clients not to wait around because true love finds you when you're not looking for it but why do i just keep looking??
i can't stop.
and then i feel even more stupid because sure jeonghan doesn't like me like that but i told myself i don't care anymore as long as somebody likes me like that and i was hoping maybe you like me like that but i haven't wanted to ask and i feel so silly and why are you silent oh my god

mansol
thank you for telling me that
i'm sure it was weighing down on you a lot
and if you don't feel better yet, you can keep going until you do
i'm not going anywhere

kwanbooty
you don't like me like that?

mansol
i didn't say that honey

kwanbooty
but you didn't say you did either
am i stupid oh my god

mansol
you're the most intelligent man i've ever met
and if it makes you at ease i do feel like that
i like you like that and even further than that
i like you very very much
but right now you're very upset
and i think we should talk about something this important when you have a clear head, okay?  

kwanbooty
you're not blowing me off?

mansol
never. you are so much more important to everybody than you realize, and to me especially.
if you could see me right now, you'd see me doing an embarrassing little jig in my gaming chair after finally telling you my feelings and thank god i'm not streaming right now or my puny little career might be over
i don't usually say much at all, much less things like this but i really want you to know that i care, seungkwan.
i care very very much. and i have since the first in person meetup.

kwanbooty
oh hansol
you did? :(

mansol
it's okay that you didn't notice
i didn't think you ever would so it's made me immensely happy knowing somewhere along the way you felt it through my silence

kwanbooty
can i come over?
i know this is sudden, i just...

mansol
you're always welcome at my house
if you need to be held, i'll hold you
if you need to cry, you can cry in front of me
if you want to laugh, i'll laugh with you
if you want to scream, i'll hug you tight
but just for tonight, let's not have any more talk about these things, okay?

kwanbooty
:( i really might cry

mansol
then you can cry everything out
and then we'll watch a movie, have ice cream
and after that we can get some good rest and talk about everything when you're feeling better tomorrow morning
how does that sound?

kwanbooty
like everything i've ever wanted :(

mansol
well great
bc i was gna hyperventilate if you said no lol
i'll see you soon?

kwanbooty
yes
yes you will

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🌸

when one cannot have something there's no rule to say you can't write about it and imagine it for yourself and giggle and then sob

delusional people have more fun it's just facts