𝘀𝗻𝗮𝗽𝘀𝗵𝗼𝗼𝘁? seventeen

⁵⁰: never a god

•*'¨'*•.¸¸.•*'¨'*•.¸¸.•*'¨'*•.¸¸.•*

[private chat : chanosaurus, mansol]

chanosaurus
hansol

mansol
yes?
are you ok?
do you need me to come over?

chanosaurus
let's date.

mansol
huh?
what are you suggesting

chanosaurus
let's go out
be a couple
boyfriends
that type of thing

mansol
oh

chanosaurus
i think i like you a lot
and you're nice to me
and you make me feel safe
and we have great chemistry ;)

mansol
chan im so sorry

chanosaurus
oh
i see.

mansol
no please listen
let me explain first

chanosaurus
ok

mansol
i cant pretend i dont have feelings for you
i like you a lot
but ive also had feelings for somebody else in the gc for a long time
the more ive researched about polyamory the more i think i identify with it
because i like both of you
but i feel like its unfair to you

chanosaurus
ah
who's the special guy

mansol
seungkwan...
please please don't tell anybody
i've kept this secret for so long it'd be awkward if he knew

chanosaurus
if he doesn't already that is
it's seungkwan after all
but yes ok
thank you for being honest with me
sorry for being so intense i just...
i'm just lonely

mansol
i'm really sorry chan

chanosaurus
do you mind if we... stop doing stuff ?
just for a little bit
you don't have to keep paying me for your sessions
could we just maybe... hit pause?
i'm afraid i won't be able to be professional for the moment now that i've said this

mansol
of course
i'm really sorry chan, i wish i could be that special person for you

chanosaurus
don't be
i'll be ok :)

__

But as the conversation ended, Chan was anything but okay.

Was he only seeing me this whole time because he knew he couldn't have Seungkwan?

Just as he figured, it would always be this way.

It was never different.

How could he ever expect to be anybody's first choice?

•*'¨'*•.¸¸.•*'¨'*•.¸¸.•*'¨'*•.¸¸.•*

🌸

to the people who came to read this for the sillies and keep getting attacked with random gay emo angst... how we doing? 😻