Deja Vu | Yeonbin

EPILOGUE

PLAYLIST ⚘
First love/late spring
                    [ Mitski]
 

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It was almost spring encouraging the dry leaves to leave it's bereaved facade and bring back it's  exultant self. Clouds shaped like cats drift by. Forest dew in the early morning and grass seemed wet where he had set foot upon reminds him of times of sorrow and joy,just like the very feeling settled in his heart.

All these elements jumbled up were a perfect match with his current state of mind.
A feeling that had turned quite numb after how many years have past.

Soobin stood before a grave , dressed in a grey fluffy overcoat  with a  polo neck sweater underneath .One of his hands remained free while the other held beautiful white carnations and stargazer lilies. His eyes fixated towards the name that was carved in stone . Choi Yeonjun. The person who he misses so much.

Even until now ,it completely destroys him to see the name of his love visibly written on that stone.

"Hi hyung." He greeted  his late lover.

A   pleasant  breath passed  through Soobin's nostrils , sighing as he tried  to put on a nice smile. Yeonjun once said that Soobin's smile was his therapy and the younger can't let it go even if his heart ached.

"It's been a while." Soobin remarked.
"I'm sorry for being late but I'm here now."

A brisk breeze flowed by, passing through his ears sending him chills. It was cold , really cold. Traces of winter was still present in the atmosphere.
He sighed into the cold air. Looking down at his shoes Soobin's eyes caught the glimpse of flowers he was holding.

"Oh hyung I brought you some flowers." He carefully placed the white  carnations and stargazer lilies on the top of the grave, set it right under the name of his love.  "I know that you used to like materialistic things because flowers has no validity and  turns into ashes with time. You used to love something you can hold into lifetime but hyung." He straightened upright,and locks his eyes on the stoned name. "If I had set  something materialistic here,then I wouldn't have felt the urgency to come here and bring something new for you which isn't immortal . And you know what . Giving something regularly to someone is better than giving it at once. Annuity is effective than fixed deposit. It gives um..more interest?" Soobin chuckled emptily.

Soobin shoved his hands into his coat pockets , pondering on what to say next.
"So hyung a lot of things are happening and you would be very happy to know these.
Beomgyu is coming back next week. Taehyun managed Beomgyu's contacts as I mentioned last month. And now he persuade him to come back in Korea though it's just a visit. I'm really happy for them. Beomgyu prospered in life a lot, his band is becoming famous day by day and I really want to you to hear guitarist Beomgyu someday. "

Soobin sat on the grassy knoll,removed his hands from the pockets and placed it on his thighs. He inhaled  preparing himself what to narrate next . "Oh I forgot to add that Heuning had texted me that day. Like remember I said you how he declined my call last year? But that day he texted me by himself. He said that he has no grudges against you and that day he declined my call not because of hatred or something but when he saw about your accident on internet he was really broken and he couldn't gather the courage to talk to me. Hyung,he really loves you so much. And he sent me some pictures as well. He drew us. You,me, beomgyu, Taehyun and Heuning himself. Our silly moments. Whenever he misses us he starts to draw. He has really became a very good artist. He said he will come to visit us someday ."

"And there's a very good news! Maria's bail got cancelled. I made it sure. So she'll be in lockup until her punishment period ends .Thanks to your friend Minjung who unveiled Maria's evil side. The way he brought all your medical reports of mental illness really helped to prove you innocent and all the charges went against Maria alone. Though I feel kinda bad but she deserves it . "

"Hyung. " Soobin smiled with sentimentality.
"Taehyun has been such a good friend to me these years . But your presence can't be occupied with anything."

"Why did you left alone hyung?" Soobin screeched looking at the sky as if he was complaining to the vast sky all his unheard grumbles. "We were about to leave together right?"
He was totally tumbledown. Begging as a crestfallen shit.

A crisp air blew through his head. Deepening his bitter feelings. Memories of the past  once again flooded his mind. Keeping his tears at bay,he continued .

"It's been two years without you. Yeah I already spent four years without you but then it wasn't same. I didn't realize my love for you. I didn't hear those magical words from you. And back then I knew that you were somewhere. Safe and sound.I know that you're still somewhere, where you don't have to run. You can rest. You can find the peace which you were longing for. Hyung maybe in next birth,I can address you
as my boyfriend. As mine. Just mine. But that doesn't means that being contingent on next birth and wildly optimistic,I'm bidding you Goodbye here . Goodbyes are only for those who loved with their eyes.
Because for those who loved with heart and soul there is no such thing as separation ."
Soobin evaluated deep things in a tranquil voice . A placate smile gracing his lips .

"They says me to forget you because
the memories still haunts  me but sometimes we don't wanna heal because the pain is the last link to what we lost."

Soobin's breath hitched. He sighed bitterly.
"I'll come back again with some new stories to share. Till then take care. Soobin loves you yeah?"

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                          ~THE END~