ShawnMendes entered Wattpad.

97

~ honesty ~

"So this is the famous not so famous apartment of the great not so great Shawn Mendes", I say, teasing him and trying to overplay me getting red, while looking around by doing a little whirl around. Shawn's apartment here in London is a very nice, very clean space with – besides the phantastic view – amazing furniture. – It's a mixture of modern furniture like a leather couch and armchairs, and a glassy table, and then some very cozy looking pillows, a lot of wood and some friendly, traditional elements like the woolen carpet and the decorations on the cupboards and the pictures of his family on them.
"It's just my space for everytime I am in England. I don't like hotels that much – if you've toured for months – for years, than you'd know what I mean", Shawn says with a smile and a little shrug.

"I guess the view isn't that amazing from a hotels window", I joke although really understanding what he means. He laughs. My heart makes a little bump the moment it's realizing that I have made him laugh once again. But it also makes me thinking of the last time we saw each other and for a second, I wish, the whole 'bitch'-dialogue over there in Canada in his room didn't happen. I wished it very often in the past few weeks, but at this moment, I am really pitying that Shawn and I didn't work things out in Pickering and that I've left the house the way I did. I hem and point to the skyline in front of us. "So, tell me: You have a thing for bright windows, don't you?"

"You should see the windows of my apartment in Toronto", Shawn says with a smirk in his voice.

"Yeah, I guess, I definitely should do so someday", I say. I take another step to the window, looking down to London. I like that city. It's just so ... alive. I look back to Shawn. I find him gazing at me – again – , a little smile in the corners of his mouth. "What?"

"Nothing. Nothing." He hems. "I just can't believe you're here."

"Yeah, me neither."

"Do you feel uncomfortable?"

Our eyes meet, and a little electric shock goes down my back. It's crazy what his eyes resting on me do with my body. It feels incredible - shaky and burning and very confusing, but do I feel uncomfortable? I take a step in his direction. "No Shawn, I don't."

He's breathing as he's very relieved, just as I took a burden off of him. I make another step into his direction and raise my eyebrows a bit. "Do you feel uncomfortable – me being here?"

Now we're only two feet from each others.
He scans me from top to toe. "Surprisingly, I don't. I absolutly don't."

For a second or two, we're just staring in each other's eyes. Then I break the tensions and say: "You have a water or something? I think I have had enough alcohol this evening."

"I didn't saw you drinking that much", Shawn says whilst already going back in the kitchen's direction. "The meal should be almost ready by the way."

"You did watch me on the party?" – Did he really watch over me? Even if at this point of the evening we hadn't talked since weeks?! Even if we had gone different ways in Pickering? After all of what happened? After all of this?

"Yeah. I did." Shawn says, and I'm once more surprised by his total honesty.
But to be myself honest: This in front of me is more the Shawn I know from Wattpad than the Shawn I was fighting with all the time the last times we've met. - This is the friend I've made by only writing and telling each other what we've felt.
So the question that is occupying me since I got into the car earlier this evening is: Can something like what we've had and that seemed to be that broken heal?
Was Shawn's and mine relation-ship – or whatever we back then had – broken by all the things that were said? All the accusations, all the bad words that had fallen between us? After me not clarifying all directly? After him kissing Amy? (I'm very sure he did.)
Somehow, I have had gotten over the "You're really a bitch Mandy" the last weeks. - I am not dumb. I know that our "convo" back then in Pickering in his bedroom wasn't happening on a friendly and calm base. It was right after some confusing 48 hours we both were going through when we met that suddenly in Pickering.

So the question of questions is: Could Shawn forgive me, and could I forgive him and could we trust each other again?

What means forgiveness?

What means to pardon someone?

What means to get over your pride?