ShawnMendes entered Wattpad.

21

The two are only talking with each other. Amy seems to have forgotten that I'm here, and Shawn either.
He just can't take his eyes off her.
I see, how his gaze scans her face, her clothes, her smile. And everytime, she laughs, he seems to wonder if he's ever heard anything similar beautiful.
I can't believe it. All of this. – I'm sitting on this sofa, the third wheel in a situation, where I should be supposed to be an essential part of. But I can't open my mouth to tell him, that I am the one, he was writing with. I just can't. The more and more I see him and Amy talking, I understand, that they fit perfectly. They may not know it at the moment, but I see it. It's the way, Shawn's fascinated gaze goes from her lips to her hands, when she's gesticulating. It's the way, he listens to her. And it's the way, he ignores me.

I find it quite weird and impolite, to just ignore me completely. I mean, even if he think's that I'm just a friend of the girl, he wrote messages through all night with and that he wanted to meet for so long, I am still a person sitting here with them, too.
I never expected him to be like that – nearly rude.
It takes me a moment to realize but then, when he says something about Wattpad, and his eyes flicker for a millisecond to me, I understand.
I get it.
In his eyes, I am the one that writes the Shawn-Mendes-Fanfictions, the girl those story has millions of readers. That maybe even makes money by fantasizing about him. From his point of view I'm weird, a little crazy – in any case I'm someone who disregards his privacy and spends hours and hours thinking about him and uploading chapter by chapter.

I'm not the girl that writes the songs.

I am the fangirly-girl.

When we wrote with each other I tried to explain to him how important that whole fanfiction-stuff was for Amy, but he didn't really get it, I think. Nor did I, honestly. But still, Amy put a lot of effort into it and she had been a fan for a very long time.

Now that he thought I was her (heaven that got complicated!), at least, he could've given me an autograph or something like that. Cause if I would've really been the fangirl he think's I am, then he would've made me incredible sad and feel unbelievable disappointed. And I assume, that if Amy would've been at my place, that if I would've immediately said, that I was the one, who wrote the songs, and that I was the girl, he was writing with, he would've treated her the same like he does right now with me. And that makes me mad. It makes me mad for Amy. Cause no one deserves to be treated like that. Especially no fan.

But maybe, otherwise, he would've just said "cool" to me, and I would've answered "cool" back, and then, he would've understood, that I wasn't as exciting as he thought, and he would've talked only to Amy either way.

I thought, I would knew this boy, I was writing with, but now, it's different.
I don't know. It's just the whole situation, that makes me feel worthless. I know, it's my fault, I was the one, who allowed Amy, to now sit on this couch, right next to him, staring into his wonderful eyes, talking to him like knowing him for decades, but I feel, that this whole meeting ended up wrong, and I have no idea how to fix this without hurting anyones feelings.

📝📖

🎹🎶
Every single word, we changed
Every single promise, we made
Now, I know, it was arranged
Now, I know, it all was fake

Beautiful on the inside and beautiful outside
That's, what you once said
And now, I know that I am too late
But how could I
Oh how could I
Hate
Oh how could I hate you?

Every single debate, we had
Every single laugh we laughed
Now, I know, I really liked, what we shared
Now I know, what I should've said