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149

<< @ the party >>
Or:
<<Regrets.>>

"What are you doing here?!" I stare at Amy.

My former best friend is smiling falsely at me. "I wanted to talk."

"Talk? To me? Or to him?" I nod in the direction where I saw Shawn the last.

"Oh, I've tried to talk to him before but he doesn't reply. And maybe that's good because this," Amy's making a bright arm movement, "this is such a better stage."

"Yeah, I know that you always need a stage but I don't understand what you want, Amy." I raise my eyebrow.

"How is your relationship going?" Amy smiles again falsely.

"I'm not gonna do any kind of small talk with you," I say. And Aaliyah adds: "Yeah, none of us is in the mood to have a conversation to you."

"So sad – I always thought that Shawn's sister was such a supporting character but I'd never think that it'll turn out that she'd be so supportive for such a kind of relationship." Amy's giving her a measuring look. "Really disappointing."

"I'm not a character in your little fanfiction," Aaliyah says. "And it's sad you're speaking like this. 'Bout real people. With real feelings."

"Your brother doesn't care for other people's feelings, too," Amy shrugs. "An eye for an eye I guess."

"What are you even talking about?!"

Amy laughs. As she can't believe what Aaliyah's asking and somehow I feel that she's really unbelieving.

Suddenly, Amy looks at me. "Can we talk? In private? – Without them." She points at Aaliyah and Jordan.

"I don't think so. I think you've already said everything you wanted to say. There's no need to make this worse for all of us."

"But what ... what if I tell everyone here that you're Shawn Mendes new girlfriend?! How does that sound?"

"Even for you that'd be low," I say. But a bad feeling raises in my stomach. It would be bad – very bad if Amy would walk around and tell people she'd know who the anonymous girl at Shawn Mendes side was. "Actually: do that. They wouldn't believe you. Cause you're the girl writing fanfictions."

"Talk to me and I'll probably not talk to them," Amy says.

I give Aaliyah and Jordan a sign to leave for a moment. Aaliyah's not looking happy. We exchange a mute dialogue and I hope she get's the message that she has to find Shawn soon.

There's a high chance that someone on this party is going to believe Amy. And even if they don't believe her: let the boulevard press write one article with my name in it and my face on it and suddenly people will consider this as true.
Damn, I'm not prepared for this here and right now. "Even though you'd betray me and you'd definitely not have been a good friend: We've had good times, hadn't we?" I ask. "If I listen to you, will you then go? I really don't need this to last longer than necessary."

"Your canadian accent has gotten better, " Amy says after a short pause. "You're even doing the 'eh' more accentuated. But whenever you're emotions coming through it's back to the British accent. Remarkable."

"In England I'm 'the Canadian girl'," I say. "You can get the British Girl outta Britain, but you can't get the Britain-"

"Out of you." Amy's finished my sentence with a smile – almost a real one.

"Right," I say.

For a moment it's just us. Like we're back being friends. Back in that time where Amy's been the one introducing herself to me on the school yard; where we're the english girls in the alien canadian world.

Then I see Shawn and Aaliyah talking in the crowd, and Amy's following my gaze.

"You know it, don't you?" Amy's facing me with a weird grim.

I frown. "Know what?"

"That he's using you."

"What do you mean?"

"So, you don't know it."

"I haven't said so. I'd just be interested what insults your now gonna speak out. – But wait. The more I think about it, I'm not. I'm not interested in anything you're telling."

"If you stay with him knowing it, then I think you're more a gold-digger than I thought. I always thought you'd have a sense of self-worth and high standards."

"What an irony talking about self-worth and high standards, while I did stay that long your best friend." I laugh out loudly without being amused. "If you excuse me now. I've got real friends I want to talk to."

"You need to listen to me," Amy's gritting her teeth then she smiles brightly. "But the more we talk the more I get the impression you do know about it, don't ya? My gosh I really didn't think you'd wanna be with him after all. That must be real love."

I roll my eyes. "Amy – let's be honest: I have no idea what you're talking about. And to speak totally the truth: I'm not interested in no matter what. If you're trying to spill bullshit over Shawn just to try to destroy his and mine relationship, then let me tell you: That's not gonna work. We're happy together and you're not getting what you want – you're not getting Shawn."

"As if that was what I was wanting to have. After all he did to me." Amy throws back her hair. Her silver earrings blink. "Guess I should've known that you'd think immediately only the worst of me. But I deserve better, Mandy. And surely you think yourself deserves better, too."

I frown. "You're really trying everything to make me interested in what you're wanting to tell so bad, aren't you? But I'm not. I'm not interested. Don't write Shawn or me on any of our socials. And don't you dare bother Aaliyah or their family with your bullshit. And now: Bye."

"You're gonna regret, that you didn't listen to me," Amy shouts while I already turned to go.

I stop for a second. "No Amy, I'm gonna regret, that I even talked to you. I'm really sorry how everything ended between us, but don't expect me to treat you as we were still friends or people who can trust each other. Cause we aren't. And I can't. And I won't. That's for what I'm sorry."