ShawnMendes entered Wattpad.

49

~ A five-step-plan. ~

[Thursday]
As planned, Thursday Aaliyah and I meet. We planned to go into town, so that I could show her a bit around, but at the end the weather got bad, so we went back to my appartment.
When we enter the room, Aaliyah looks curiously around. She seems to like my apartment, and I have to admit, I like it either, even though I never liked it as much as I wished I would.
I guess it's just the spirit that is missing – it's like my missing connection to my study-field – I've never really got home in this town, probably because of my constant changing living-situation in the past.
Something just is missing, I guess.

"I like that really much," Aaliyah points at the black quote on the wall. It's: "A kind soul hears music in every word other people say, when other people only hear words."

"I like that too," I say and think of how often Amy laughed about that sentence. She never really understood the meaning I guess.
I clear my throat. "My former best friend always said, it would be too kitschy, but I like it even though. – She once even asked me to bring her a brush, so that she could paint the wall white."

Aaliyah stares at me for a moment, then she says: "But you didn't do that, as I far as I can observe."

"Nope, I didn't."

"It does really hurt – that she acted like that, and that she treats you like that, doesn't it?" Aaliyah looks at me sympathetically. "I'm really sorry, that your friendship ended up like this. Just because of my brother."

"No no, it's not because of your brother," I answer. "At least not only because of him." I look at the wall again and then say: "Retrospective, I think, that our friendship was over long before he'd write me on Wattpad. I mean it was a very close friendship we've had, but now, I think that I was never a respected part of that; that I never really knew what it would mean to be part of a friendship on eye level. Little by little, I begin to realize, how less she thought of me, and how often I was the one who agreed, even though, I didn't want to study politics or go to the fifth house-party in a row or eat a veggy-burger. Ya know?"

"You really just studied what she wanted you to?" Aaliyah looks astonished.

"To be fair, she didn't force me," I say. "But she always knew, I didn't like it that much, and she took me under pressure, so that I would choose the same study-field like her."

For a second, we both keep silent, then Aaliyah looks again at the quote. "I think it fits perfectly for you both. – Your the kind soul and Amy's the deaf person, if that isn't clear."

I laugh. "Thank you. I take is as a compliment."

"You should." Aaliyah rolls her eyes. "I absolutely don't want to have Amy as my future sister-in-law."

I gulp. Damn. That did hurt.

I need a second, then I ask: "Do you think, this is possible?"

"That Shawn and Amy will end up together?" Aaliyah looks thoughtful. Then, she shakes her head. "I don't think so. But you know, Shawn and I ... have problems at the moment. We don't talk that much as usual."

"Is it because of me?" I feel so bad now. Gosh, I destroyed a good and healthy sibling-relationship! The fans gonna hate me. But lucky for them: I would hate myself for that already without them.

"No, no! You didn't destroy that! If somebody tried to, than it was Amy! – Or to be fair, it was Shawn himself, too. And I am not that unblameable for the whole situation." Aaliyah looks at me seriously. "Just to make that clear Mandy: That Shawn and I are going through some things at the moment is not something you're capable for. My brother and I have a strong relationship, and you don't need to worry about wether you destroyed something."

I breath out relieved. Then I clear my throat. "Okay." I look at the kitchen. "Well. You wanna eat or drink something?"

"Oh, no, thank you. I'm fine. But maybe a cocoa?"

While making two cocoas in the kitchen, I look outside. It's raining and snowing all together. It's a mixture of gray and white and again, my thoughts travel to Suffolk. I remember how the winters in Suffolk used to be. Autumn was rainy and blue, and winter was snow and glassy.
I loved it so much.
I miss it so much.
The realization hits me with a sudden force. I have to blink a few times, to gain back control of my face expression.

"What does your mother do for a living?"

"She's a lawyer." I take the can of whipped cream out of the fridge. "She works at a law firm."

"What about your father?" Aaliyah glances around in my flat, as though I might be hiding him just around the next corner.

"No father," I say.

"Oh, is he..."

"No, just no noteworthy father," I answer with a small smile.

"I'm sorry to hear that."

I shrug. "It's okay now."

We both know that it's never okay, but Aaliyah doesn't say anything more about that topic, and changes instead the content of our conversation. "So, Amy." She sits down on the corner of my couch. "What are we gonna do about that? I have to admit that I'm really concerned. Shawn doesn't listen to me anymore the way he did before he met her. The whole elevator situation was ... messy. Not what I planned to be honest. But at least, you both did talk."

"We'll yeah, we did talk. And we didn't. I've already told you: I was a bit too much distracted by the fact that I was stucked in the living hell." I roll my eyes. "So instead of using my chance to talk to to your brother, I just yell at him. And we fought again." I look into my cup. I don't tell Aaliayh, that Shawn held my hand, and that he looked me in the eyes, as he would see me for the first time for real. I can't explain how it felt to be near him, to talk to him, finally. "I wish, I had acted differently, but I didn't. And he didn't, too. So I really don't know what to do now." I'm feeling bad again, because all this drama seems to destroy a good brother-sister-bond. "I'm so sorry. About all of this."

"It's not all your fault, I already told ya."

"No, I know, but it feels like it is." I stare at the wall. "I really wanna fix this."

"Yeah, me too," Aaliyah smiles. "I don't want her to become my brother's girlfriend."

Me either. I look down.

Aaliyah takes another sip of her cocoa and puts her cup down. "C'mon Mandy, it's all gonna be okay. All we need, is just a plan."

"A five-step-plan?" I grin, and Aaliyah laughs. "Exactly."