i'm right where you left me

12

i stood there in complete shock.

"izzy?" she questioned half not believing it.

"leah" i said. i ran towards her and jumped into her arms. i lay in her arms on my old bed and buried my head in her neck.

her soft touch on my skin. her sweet smell. her tight grip around my waist.

"what are you doing here?" she asked.

"i'm coming to arsenal" i said.

"don't lie" she said.

"i'm not. i'm here" i said. a huge grin appeared on her face.

"your home" she said.

"i'm home" i repeated.

"jack still live across the road?" i asked. she nodded. "come on"

i grabbed her hand and led her out of my house.

"leah! when did you get here" my mum asked.

"about an hour ago" she said with a sheepish smile.

i dragged leah out of the house and crossed the road to jacks house. i knocked on the door. no answer. the cars here so someone must be home. i knocked again more harshly.

"coming jesus" someone shouted.

the door opened and jack stood there.

i jumped into his arms and hugged him.

"izzy what are you doing here?" he said with surprise.

"i'm joining arsenal. i'm back baby" i said.

"fuck yeah" he said.

we went inside his house and i spoke to his mum. she looked very happy to see me again.

we went to his room and all played on the playstation like we used to.

"man i've missed this" i said.

me and leah went back to my house a while later.

we just lay together. i had my head on her arm while she stroked my hair.

"can you stay over tonight" i asked.

"you have a girlfriend don't you" she said.

"yeah but me and you are still friends" i said.
"i don't know if i should" she said unsurely.

"please le" i said.
"fuck how could i say no to that face" she said.

i got a message from emma.

emma: hey baby, how come you didn't message me? x
me: shit i'm sorry em. i got caught up with things. i was with leah and jack and i totally forgot x
emma: it's okay. x
me: wanna ft? x
emma: cant i'm going to work x
me: alr speak later ? x
emma: sure bye love x
me: bye x

i noticed something off about leah. we chilled together in my room for hours. we played playstation and watched tv.

later we had dinner and then came to my room again. we were just messing around like we used to.

"le how come you were here? how did you even get in?" i asked

"oh yeah. uhm your mum left a spare key with my mum just so we could come and check up on the house and stuff" she said.

"but why were you here?" i questioned. she laughed nervously and scratched the back of her neck.

"i uh i was just. i've been coming every week. you know like when i feel lonely and stuff and like when i miss you" she said.

then we started to change into our pyjamas. as usual i wore my underwear with a tshirt.

leah tried not to look. i got into bed and waited for leah.

"fuck i cant do this" she said.

"what do you mean?" i asked.

"i cant stay here iz" she said.

"why not" i asked.

"because i might do something and fuck up" she said. she turned her back and before i could even stop her she was out of the door.

i just lay in bed and went to sleep after lots of tossing and turning.

the next day, i woke up early because i'm signing my contract today.

i still haven't told anyone so nobody knows. only leah my mum jack and emma.

i went to the training centre and was met by the new manager joe.

he shook my hand and told me how happy he is that i'm joining.

we went into the press room and i signed the contract and answered a couple of questions from reporters before taking a picture of me in my new arsenal shirt. i posted on my socials a picture of me when i was in the academy and a picture of me with my new arsenal shirt now. i captioned it 'home'

i went and met the rest of the girls. i hugged viv and she was quite surprised that i was there with her.

the girls were really nice and welcoming. i noticed that leah kept her distance though. she smiled at me as i walked in but never came over to me.

we did a gym session and then i went to see the changing rooms.

i walked in and saw leah changing.

"leah are you alright. you've been acting a bit off since yesterday" i said.

"i'm fine" she said and walked out.  

i went out and went back home.

i rang emma and spoke to her about my day and she told me about hers.

after a while we hung up and then i went out with viv.

she came down to mk and we went into town and did some shopping. after that we got some food to eat.

"so love, what's happening with you and leah?" she asked. "i thought you were supposed to be best friends or something"

"i don't know. she's been acting a bit weird since last night" i said. "if i'm honest, i think she's still in love with me"

"and are you still in love with her" she asked.

"viv i'm with emma" i said.

"yeah i know. but are you in love with emma?" she said. i thought about it. i did love emma. but no where near how much i loved leah. how much i still love her.

"i love emma" i said.

"but are you in love with her. there's a difference" she said. i didn't say anything. i don't know if i'm in love with emma.

"and are you in love with leah" she asked. i didn't answer that either. is the reason i can't be in love with emma, because im still in love with leah?

"that answers my question" she said.

"i love emma. i don't want to hurt her" i said.

"but you want leah" she finished off for me.

"i don't know. leah didn't respect my decision to move to germany. emma respected my decision to move back to england" i said.

"true but you forgave leah. she said she was wrong" viv pointed out.

"yeah i know" i said.

"so.." she said.

"viv your messing with my head" i complained.

"sorry love. leah just seems well in love with you. from what i've seen, i don't think emma is." she said. "and you are in love with leah and not emma"

"i don't know what to do" i said. "i cant just abandon emma. plus what if leah isn't actually in love with me and it's something else"

"there's only one way to find out" viv said.

she dropped me back off at home and then after a lot of debating with myself i messaged leah.

me: meet me at our tree in 30
leah: they cut that down
me: your taking the piss.
leah: nope
me: right meet me where our tree used to be then.