i'm right where you left me

7

over the next year a lot happened.
i joined the arsenal academy. our school won the league.

my dad left us. he ran off with a new girl from his work and we never heard from him again.

i wish i could say my eating habits improved but they didn't.

mine and leah's friendship was stronger. she helped me with everything and our parents became friends.

as i saw leah grow to care for me more, a feeling started in me. a feeling that i pushed aside for fear it would ruin our friendship.
i had grown to love the girl with my whole heart. i wanted to be with her forever. i wanted her to be mine. but i cant have that. everything we already have would be destroyed.

leah came over to mine to sleep over on saturday night before our game with arsenal.

"hiya babe" she said as i opened the door.
"hi le" i said, hugging her before letting her in.

we went to my room and she put her bag down.
"ps?" i asked.

"always" she said.

we sat on my bed and turned on the playstation. we put on fifa and played together against other people.

"girls dinner" mum called from the kitchen.

we turned off the playstation and went down to eat dinner. mum chatted to us about the match tomorrow. she doesn't really watch or understand football but it's cute to see her trying for us.

i pushed the food around my plate and could feel leah's eyes burning into the side of my face. i ate a few more scoops and said i was done. there was about a third of the plate left but i couldn't bring myself to finish it.

i put my plate at the sink and went to my room. leah followed shortly after me and sat on my bed.

"how come you only ate a little bit" she asked.

"come on le. just leave it" i said.

she sighed and grabbed my tv remote.

"movie?" she asked. i nodded and started to get into my pyjamas. i've become more comfortable around leah and i don't mind if she sees my body though i'm still quite self conscious about it. she also got into her pyjamas and jumped onto my bed. she grabbed some snacks out of her bag and waited for me to join her.

i climbed in next to her but left some distance.

as she scrolled through looking for a movie to watch, she inched closer to me, closing the gap and putting her arm around my waist.
it feels good but if we stay like this i might do something i might regret.

"uhm i've got to go to the toilet" i lied and got up. i went into the bathroom and sat there for a moment trying to gather my thoughts and calm myself.

she's just a friend. don't fuck things up.

i went back to my room and got in the bed again. this time she didn't move closer to me, probably getting the hint.

"you okay?" she asked.
"mhm" i nodded.

she put on a movie and we watched it. she kept trying to give me snacks but i wouldn't have it.

"iz eat something" she said. i ate a single popcorn and smiled cheekily at her.
"dickhead" she laughed.

"leah we shouldn't be eating all this right before a match anyway" i said. she bought a lot of sweets and chocolate and crisps.

"oh well. one time won't hurt" she shrugged.

throughout the movie, she managed to force me to eat a chocolate bar and a handful of sweets. after the movie, she put everything away and then went to brush her teeth.

now i better not do anything to ruin our friendship.

she came back and i went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and actually use the toilet this time. i went back and she was already in bed, claiming the wall side. she always sleeps there when we have sleepovers.

i got in and faced away from her.

"love you babe" she said. i didn't speak for fear my voice would break.

"izzy what's up" she said.

"nothing love you" i said.

"iz what's going on" she said, snaking her arm around my waist before grabbing my hand and entwining our fingers. i felt tears forming in my eyes.

"nothing" i said trying to pull away. i was getting annoyed. why won't she just leave it.

"then why are you being so distant. seriously tell me what's wrong" she said sitting up.

"because" i half shouted, turning to face her, the tears now leaking from my eyes down my cheeks. "what do you want me to say. that i'm so madly in love with you and i think about you all the time. how you care for me like nobody else has. the way you make me feel. that i want to kiss your lips until i can't breathe"

oh shit.

she crashed our lips together and kissed me passionately before pulling away.

"oh" i said.

"i'm so madly in love with you too" she said.

"but what if this ruins our friendship" i said.

"what if it doesn't" leah said.

"i'm scared le" i whispered.

"i've got you babe." she said. she put her arms around me and allowed us to rock back and forth while she just held me.

"look, if things don't work out romantically between us, then we can always go back to being just friends. i want you in my life forever" she said.

"and things won't be awkward between us?" i said.

"no" she said. "now let's sleep. we've got a game to win tomorrow"

she lay down and pulled me with her. she kissed my lips gently before placing me on her chest and wrapping her arms around me.

"goodnight iz" she said into my hair. 

"night le" i mumbled against her chest.

she combed through my hair with her fingers and we slowly drifted off to sleep.