i'm right where you left me

25

i put the flowers in water and then went up to my room. leah was already sat in my bed waiting for me.

i climbed in beside her and leaned into her side.

"wanna talk?" she asked. i nodded. i need to.

"so uhm. the day i went to see my mum. my uh my dad was there, on his own. he said he wanted to see me again and catch up but i didn't believe him. i found out that he was after money. 10 grand." i said.

"he was drunk and pushed me into a table and i hurt my ribs badly. i kicked him out and made sure to change the locks and everything." i continued.

"when you were trying to be affectionate with me, i wasnt trying to push you away. i was just in pain." i said.

"baby why didn't you tell me you were hurting" she looked hurt that i couldnt speak to her about it then.

"because i didn't want you to make a big deal out of it. i still don't. that was nothing compared to the shit he did in the past and i knew you'd get all protective and try get the police involved and stuff. i didn't think it was that bad so i just sucked it up and kept it to myself." i said.

"are you still hurting" she asked quite concerned.

"yeah. more now than before" i said.
i seriously think something happened with that guy from last night to make it worse than it already was.

i lifted up my shirt and showed her the bruising. she slowly glided her fingers across my ribs.

"shit" i said in pain.

"im sorry baby" she said.

"you should go to the hospital" she said.

"im fine" i said.

"babe your clearly not fine. this looks bad" she said.

"do you want to tell me what happened last night" she asked.

not really but i need to.

"uhm. it's kind of hard to say" i said.

"take your time darling. if you don't feel ready then you don't have to tell me" she said softly. she rubbed her fingertips along my upper arms.

"basically, i was in a lot of pain. i was also feeling really guilty about not telling you in the first place. i kind of went to a bar and got drunk beyond belief. i had drink after drink and they were very strong." i said. tears filled my eyes remembering what happened next.

"the next bit is a bit blurry because i couldn't even think straight. some guy came over and offered to take me home so i stupidly agreed." i said. her eyes widened with fear for what she's about to hear.

"he took me to a hotel and raped me" i said. the tears now dripped down my face.

"or well i think he did. the last thing i remembered was him taking off his clothes and then i passed out. but when i woke up in the middle of the night. i was also naked." i said. at this point i was sobbing.

how could this have happened to me.

why did i have to go to that bar.

"i got out of there as fast as i could and called viv to pick me up" i said.

"i was in so much pain and my body felt disgusting, imagining that he had touched it and used it to please himself" i said.

"im so fucking sorry leah. i didn't mean to do any of it" i sobbed. i'm scared she'll break up with me now.

she stayed silent.

"please say something leah" i begged.

"i'm sorry iz" she whispered. she held my face into her and let me cry.