i'm right where you left me

13

i put on a hoodie and walked the 5 minutes to the park and went to where our tree used to be. instead of the huge tree we sat in, was a tiny new tree that had been planted very recently.

i sat on the grass and waited for leah. i leaned on my hands with my legs in front of me. i thought about all our memories at this tree. it's the place leah asked me to be her girlfriend. it's the place i told leah about my dad leaving. this place holds such a huge significance in our lives. it's our go to place. it's the place we come to relax and get away from life. it's the place we come to tell each other important things. it's the place we go to watch the sun set. when one of us said to meet there, we always dropped everything to go and meet, no matter what we're doing.

10 minutes had passed and she was still not there. i was wondering if she was even going to turn up.

maybe she doesn't want to speak to me. or see me.

as i was about to stand up to leave, i saw her walking towards me. i felt relieved. she does want to see me.

"sorry i'm late, my mum got me to do some jobs around the house" she said while sitting down opposite me.

"yeah it's fine. i was beginning to think you stood me up" i laughed.

"i would never" she gasped putting her hand to her heart.

"leah, babe. please tell me what's going on" i said.

"i cant" she said while shaking her head. she wouldn't look at me.

"why not babe" i asked.

"because if i say it then it will either ruin your relationship with emma or it will ruin our friendship" she said without looking at me, still avoiding my eyes.

"leah please tell me" i said.

"fine. i'm still madly in love with you. it hurts to see you with someone else that's not me. i told you i'd wait for you and i did. i stayed here, right where you left me. and you went off and got with another girl. it crushed me when i found out iz. i had no choice but to wait for you. your the love of my life. your my everything. your my whole world. your my life. your my soulmate and it hurts to see you with another girl." she said, there were tears in her eyes and she looked down. i grabbed her face to look at me and stroked over her soft cheeks with my thumbs. she finally looked into my eyes and her tears leaked from her eyes. i wiped them away before speaking.

"le i think i'm still madly in love with you too" i said.

"what about emma" she said. she looked slightly confused but also joyful at the same time.

"i'm breaking up with her. i love her le, but i'm not in love with her. it would be wrong of me to stay with her if that's how i feel, she's a sweet girl and i can't play with her feelings. it's wrong. your the only one i want. your it for me" i said. i rested my forehead against hers and our noses touched softly.

"i won't kiss you while your still with her" she said.

"and that's because your very respectful and such a good human" i said. "and that's exactly why i love you"

we lay down on the grass and watched as the sun set.

we walked back to my house and leah dropped me off at the door.

"come in?" i offered. she shook her head.
"i cant" she said. i knew she would say that.

"see you tomorrow then" i said and i hugged her.

"yeah, bye babe" she said and walked off.

i went inside and decided it would be the best thing to speak to emma. i don't want to do it over the phone but i don't think i can go back to germany just to break up with her. i have training.

me: hey emma, are you free. i need to talk to you about something
emma: yeah wanna call?
me: yeah

i rang her.

me: hi emma.
em: hi izzy, everything okay?
me: not really. i really really didn't want to do this over the phone but i think i have to
we need to break up. i'm sorry. it isn't you it's me. i just feel like i can't fully be in love with you because i uhm
em: because your still in love with leah
me: i uhh yeah.

em: it's okay izzy, i get it. i knew it would happen eventually i just wished i had longer with you. i knew it was leah. it was always going to be leah. you two were perfect for each other from what you told me. i'm happy for you. i really do love you but i understand that leah is the one who has your heart. she's your soulmate. there's nobody else for you. and there's nobody else for her. your made for each other.

when she said that it made me feel so guilty.

me: thanks for being so understanding emma. i really appreciate you and everything you did for me. your an amazing girl, your so sweet and caring and considerate and you deserve someone to love you with their whole heart. i'm sorry that i couldn't be that person for you but as you said, my heart is leah's.

em: yeah it's okay izzy. i love you. bye

me: bye emma

i ended the call.

i really feel for emma. she knew she would lose me eventually and she accepted it. she was great and deserves someone to love her the way she deserves. i just wasn't the right person for her.

i lay in bed and reflected on my memories. my memories of when i was a kid. my memories with leah. my memories with my mum. my memories with jack. my memories at the arsenal academy. my memories at bayern.

now i'm starting the next chapter of my life, and i've got my two best friends back by my side. i've got my jack. and i've got my leah.

and i cant wait to get started at arsenal.