The Unexpected (Lashton, Malum, Muke, Cake, Mashton and Cashton)

Chapter 32

Ashton

If there's one thing that I could say about this band, I'd say that I think we're genuinly getting better. I'm starting to talk to Luke more and its a great feeling knowing he's opening up to me. Calum and Michael seem a lot closer now, but I sort of wish I knew what went on the other night.

Dinner was fairly nice last night, I wish we didn't have to leave so soon though. I can only remember Luke rushing out of the bathroom and leaving immediately with Calum following behind him. I can't help but wonder what the hell happened. Maybe I should talk to one of them, preferably Luke though since we're closer.

Before I was going to talk to Luke, I wanted to finish writing down a couple of song lyrics that came to my mind a couple of days ago. I think they really speak to how the band feels at the moment, but maybe that's just me.

You say that I'm too complicated
hung up and miseducated
Well I say 9 to 5 is overrated
And we all fall down

I can't sleep cause my mind keeps racing, my chest hurts
and my heart keeps breaking,
I'm so numb and I can't stop
shaking and we all fall down

        

I'm going to ask the band to help me finish writing the song. Those are just some things that I kept thinking inside of my head, but I didn't tell anyone. It was just specifically how well I hid my emotions towards liking Michael. I've liked him for a while now, and there's actually nothing I can do about it.

I want him to want me in a specific way and I want him to like me more than a friend, but he's into Calum and I can't stop that. I mean sure, my heart is breaking over it and I feel numb inside but it doesn't matter. Maybe with Luke liking me, he can help me move on from the boy. At least I hope so.

As I stood up, I closed the notebook that I wrote the lyrics in and placed it in the bridge of my arm for a tight grip. I wanted to show Luke this song first since I knew for a fact that he could relate to it. Plus, he could help me make it better. I don't have a tune for it yet but I'm sure it'll come along soon.

I knocked lightly on Luke's door, and I was a bit shocked at what he yelled. "Go the fuck away Calum!" I'm glad I wasn't that boy, because it sounded like whatever he did to Luke wasn't good. Maybe we can talk about that too. I opened the door, and I instantly felt a pillow being thrown at my face.

"What was that for?"

Luke opened up his eyes and looked up, then he found himself panicking due to realization that it was me he attacked for no apparent reason.

"I'm so sorry, Ash. I thought you were-"

"It's fine."

"So what are you in here for?"

I didn't understand why he was questioning my presence at the moment since he almost always enjoys my company. However, I wasn't going to ask why it mattered for any particular reason. There's no need to.

"I've been thinking lately."

Luke placed his hands over his face and shook his head back and fourth, mumbling that this couldn't be good. I rolled my eyes playfully and moved his hands away. "No, calm down, its not bad."

He furrowed his left eyebrow, but then nodded for me to continue. "Well, I've been thinking lately about how easy its been for all of us to hide our feelings for eachother. It's kind of funny actually, how we were and still are in this gynormous love triangle and didn't expect it."

Luke smiled slightly. "I know, its weird. I thought I was the only one who liked guys in the band." I shook my head quickly to disagree. "Absolutely not."

I placed my notebook in front of him and opened it up to the page where there was writing on it. He deserved to see the song.

"My heart keeps breaking, I'm so numb and I can't stop shaking," he mumbled slowly. It must mean he's interpreting it.

"Wow Ashton, this is exactly how I feel." I felt accomplished knowing that someone else in the band feels the same way I do. But then I frowned, when realizing his heart was breaking because of me.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, pulling the notebook away from him. He looked confused at first, but he eventually realized why I was apologizing and gave me a look of sympathy.

"Come on, Ash, its not your fault. You didn't know-"

"But I hurt you!"

"That doesn't matter." His mouth said it didn't but his eyes told otherwise. I wanted to find a way to show him that I was truly sorry but I couldn't figure out how. He's obviously broken because of me and it takes years to repair a shattered heart. Knowing that I did this to him, I'll never be able to forgive myself.

We sat there in silence for a while, both of us just thinking about where we went wrong.

"I'm just really frustrated about everything and I don't want to forgive you for breaking my heart, but I'm really desperate. You know?"

He was opening up to me again, and I couldn't be more thankful. I just stayed silent and continued to listen to him rant.

"I went to a stupid therapist that my brother asked me to go to, so I could talk about my 'problems'. They told me that I had a chance of developing depression and that I should get medication or something. But they don't know my situation, and I don't have any motivation to fix what's been broken."

I frowned, he already sounds so upset.

"I just wish I could go on some sort of permanent vacation and ignore the world for a while."

I was listening, but then an idea popped into my head. These would make great song lyrics.

"That's it!"

I took out my pen and started writing down what I remember him saying.

Frustration, desperation
You say you need some kind of medication
Situation, no motivation,
Destination, permanent vacation

Luke furrowed his eyebrows while looking down at the paper. I assumed he was going to get mad at me but instead he just smiled at how well this was coming along.

"This could be a new hit."

"I agree, it really could. The fans will love it."

"Not as much as I love you, though."

"What?" I questioned.

"Nothing!"

-

a/n: hellloooo cx I hope this chapter turned out well lmao. Sorry I haven't updated  I got addicted to this game oh snap. I love it so much but I needed to get things done aka check social media and update because I have no life.

Thanks for voting, reading and commenting ily guys sooo much. Byyeeeee :)