The Unexpected (Lashton, Malum, Muke, Cake, Mashton and Cashton)

Chapter 8

Calum

Some days are the same and some days are different. I often feel lost and alone, like I don't have any hope for a future or that I'll never be truly happy. Its true, honestly.

I look so happy, out there on stage, performing our songs about love when deep down, I'm dying inside. I always try to hide it because I don't want people noticing the pain in my heart or the bags under my eyes.

Yes, I have trouble sleeping at night, its not always easy to fall asleep. The other boys are always out like a light while I just lay there, staring at the ceiling with my eyes wide open, thinking about things that make me upset. I can't help it to tell you the truth. Its kind of like negative thoughts got the best of me and now I can't control them anymore.

I toss and turn at night, trying to find a comfortable position, but with each movement, I gain more energy. When others shift somewhere else, they easily fall asleep. However, if I even move when I'm nearly asleep, I end up feeling wide awake for no reason at all and I hate it a lot.

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair, back placed firmly on my mattress. It was too hot to keep a blanket on but I felt uncomfortable without it and it would make me feel awkward if it wasn't on.

There was nothing to do, certainly because it's midnight and nobody is up. I tried scrolling through Twitter and following fans randomly to surprise them, and I tried liking photos that our fans posted on Instagram but I just ended up getting bored of it.

Surely, I enjoy making others smile and that's usually what I do when I'm bored but tonight, I feel different about being bored. Its almost as though I can't do anything because no matter what, my boredom will last forever unless I can manage to fall asleep.

I gripped a hold of my blanket and pulled it closer to me, not letting go as a few of my fingers dangled beneath it. The thoughts inside of my head were killing me, making me feel horrible about myself.

'He will never like you'

'You're just average, he's hot and you're not.'

'You don't think that you actually have a chance, do you?'

I leaned up from my bed and picked up my pillow, then threw it against the wall. Its every single night that I think this way and nothing ever changes. I've gotten used to it by now but I wish that it would stop for once.

I watched as the pillow hit the wall beside me, then I sighed and picked it up, placing it on my lap. My eyes began feeling weak, and I knew I was on the verge of tears but nobody needed to know that, even myself. I blinked repeatedly, hoping that they'd vanish, then I decided to go back on my phone to take my mind off of Luke.

But of course, that didn't work, because the minute I typed in the password, I saw Luke's face light up on my phone. It startled me a bit, since I couldn't recall the last time that I changed it, but looking at him always made me feel a lot calmer.

I ran my thumb against the screen, as though I was stroking his cheek, then I smiled to myself a bit, looking into those bright blue eyes of his that make me melt inside.

But suddenly, those blue eyes changed directions, he was no longer looking left, but now right. I rubbed my eyes to readjust them, hoping that it was just my brain messing with me, but when I checked again, he was no longer smiling in the picture, but he had his mouth open and I swear I saw it moving, like he was trying to tell me something.

But just as I started reading his mouthed words, I saw dispersed dots in front of me everywhere, then everything went black.

-

"Calum?"

I attempted to open my eyes, but with each blink, everything in front of me got a little bit more blurry. There was someone in front of me but I couldn't see his face clear enough to recognize him. It sounded a lot like Michael though.

I felt my body elevating and it made me jump in panic, eyes opening and everything becoming clear again. And from what I could hear, I was right. It was Michael.

He was standing in front of me and he was dressed nicely and in his hands, he was holding a stack of clothes.

"Get dressed, Ashton and Luke want to go for coffee before we work some more in the studio." I whined as he set the clothes in my lap, then watched as he walked away, holding up four fingers, probably to let me know that I'm running out of time.

I stood up, went to the bathroom to get dressed and headed downstairs so I could meet up with the needy boys.

Luke and Ashton were talking about fish and how they survive in their natural habitats while Michael was whining about how he wanted his latte already. I chuckled, then waved while making weird noises to get their attention.

"The hood is ready to go."

They nodded, then we instantly walked out of the door and headed for the car. Ashton decided to drive, since he's older than all of us and Luke called shot gun. It was funny, since they acted like kids.

I was disappointed a bit because I wanted to sit next to Luke, but he called it and I didn't want to be awkward about it and claim the seat as mine. So instead, I climbed into the back seat with Michael.

Michael was already in his seat, staring out of the window so I just sighed as I closed the door, then looked straight ahead at the garage as Ashton pulled out of the drive way.

Ashton put on the song "Everything Is Awesome" from the Lego Movie and we all started singing along until we arrived at the coffee place.

All of the boys rushed out quickly, so I just cocked an eyebrow while shutting the door, then I followed the direction that they went in and held my head down. By the time I reached the entrance and opened the door, I could see that they already found a table.

I walked in and joined them at the small white table inside, then moved my eyes back and fourth as they gave me confused expressions.

"What?" I exclaimed, shifting uncomfortably under their gazes. Luke just nodded his head slowly, probably trying to figure something out, Ashton had his arms crossed and Michael just looked upset.

"We're just worried about you, that's all," Michael replied, giving me a sympathetic smile, then stopping once he saw my frown. "You guys have nothing to worry about, I just had a weird night okay?"

They didn't seem to believe me, so I shrugged my shoulders and sighed. "Honestly guys, I'm fine."

"Did something happen last night?" Ashton asked curiously, causing all of them to stare at me intently. I shook my head while biting my lip, then sighed once more.

"All I can remember is a photo on my phone trying to talk to me, and it felt so real. Maybe it was a dream, I'm not sure, but I think it was trying to tell me something."

"Were you drunk?" Luke asked with a serious tone, then I shook my head before replying, "No, just forget I said anything."

And so they did, they didn't ask me anything else or mention how they think I'm crazy, they just changed the subject and for once, I felt empty, and broken, because it felt like they didn't simply care at all.