Expression of My Love

Project Parent Trap

*Chan POV*

That song was something else. Felix was always showing his happy self, never bringing down the mood. To realize that it was all a lie, that he was hurting like that and nobody was there to help him, I feel like a terrible leader. I know Felix did not want anybody to know but I should have noticed how bad it was.

"Hey everyone, we're home!" I yelled as we entered the front door.

Felix was still puffy and red, completely exhausted from the emotions. He went straight to his room to get a towel and freshen up.

Hyunjin was still at the studio working on his dance. When Felix disappeared into the bathroom I signal everyone to come to the table.

"What's going on...?" Han asked, breaking the silence.

"It's Felix, he is not ok you guys. He is not ok since the split and I think its time that we create the rainbow for once." Everyone's expressions turned sad, they nodded in unison.

"The only reason why Felix and Hyunjin split, was because of the pressure to hide it. We haven't been doing our jobs in protecting them, and helping them. Some of us making it worse" I looked at Changbin who dropped his head in shame at the comment.

"Truth is, we all know we have not been the same since. Sure we are still a group and did a comeback, but we are not the same. And stays have been noticing. Both Hyunjin and Felix have been cold and distant, trying to move on and let the other heal, except it is not working and neither of them are willing to express this. So I think it is time that we finally do our job as a family and fix it for them. I have a plan..." I said, everyone nodded and leaned in closer.

*Hyunjin POV*

I got back from the studio and opened the front door. Everyone was around the table whispering.

"Hey... what's up?" I finally spoke up. They all looked at me and some cleared their throats, leaning back away from eachother. I raised my eyebrow in confusion and went to talk but was interupted.

"We... were just discussing what we wanted to a celebratory lunch tomorrow." Minho started.

".. for all starting our individual projects" Han finished it. Looking at the others who nodded their heads.

"Okay..... well I'm good with anything...... I'm gonna go shower..." I said, still suspicious. They would not lie if they were going to tell me and I honestly was too tired to even pry.

I don't think that I am in much of a celebratory mood to be quiet honest. I tried to just focus on the feelings of the hot water hitting my skin and washing away the salt of my sweat. When I got out of the shower I noticed that I looked way more lean. With the amount of hard dancing and lack of apetite I had lost a good amount of weight. My muscles were showing but I did not look like myself. And if I am being honest I was not myself.

When I got out of the shower I could see Felix sitting on the couch, his head on Han's lap. He was sleepily scrolling through his phone. It stung to see him but I couldn't help but feel a little flutter in my heart because he looked so cute.

I was too tired to cook and not prepared to take on the task of socializing so I made myself some ramen and decided to go to sleep, tomorrow is our day off but I still need to go to the studio to practice. Better than staying alone with my thoughts.

Before I could reach my room Changbin called me over.

"What do you need?" It came out more aggressive than intended but I didn't care enough to correct myself.

"Ooh... I'm sorry I don't want to bother you but I wanted to ask if you could listen to my individual project tomorrow... I was struggling a bit with the musicality and that's something you're good at." He grabbed the back of his neck and looked shy. I really don't want to have anything else but he seemed genuine and I know they are all trying to include me in things.

"Yeah sure. What time?" I couldn't fake an enthusiastic face yet but managed a smile.

"11:30?"

"Sure, you can get me from the dance studio." I walked into my room and plopped on the bed. Ready for the day to be over so I can rest. It didn't take me long to fall asleep.

*Felix POV*

Hyunjin came out of the bathroom, his hair was still wet and he looked lean. It looked good but it made me sad knowing that it was from overexertion, and he hasn't been eating much. I wanted to say something but it's not my place to comment on his life choices anymore. I just went back to looking at my phone when Chan tapped me on the knee.

"Hey Channie" I gave him a half smile.

"Hey Lix, I was thinking about your song and it would be perfect if you added some harmonies in it. It really shows off your voice and if you were willing, I think it would be great to release..." Chan looked at me with so much hope. I don't know if I can be that vulnerable with the world to release it but Chan was right. It did really help me process things and harmonies would really add to it.

"Okay... but I'm not sure about releasing it." I say quietly, knowing Han does not know about it and not wanting to get questions about it.

"Releasing it?" Han ended up asking.

"J-just an idea for an individual project. Not sure if I want to use it." I said, faking confidence hoping that Han would buy it and let it go.

"Can I listen to it?" He responded. His eyes looked so soft and caring. I really trusted Han... maybe it wouldn't be so bad if he heard it...

"Maybe when it's done." I said. Not ready yet for another pair of pity eyes.

Han looked dissapointed but I couldn't worry about that right now.

"Tomorrow at 11 ok?" Chan said, looking at me with encouragement. I appreciated that, I do always feel cared for when he is around.

I nodded and gave him a smile, not a fake one this time.

It was dinner time not long after and Hyunjin did not attend once again. I really want to check on him.. I know that he is not ok. He was never the most outgoing one but he would at least have meals with us. Nowadays its rare.

I muster up the courage after dinner and walk to his door.

Should I do this?

What if he gets mad?

What if he yells at me to get out?

I bite my lip tightly before raising my hand and knocking at the door. I didn't get an answer and tried again. Still no answer.

"Hyunjin its me... can I come in?" I still only heard silence. I knew I wasn't going to be brave like this again any time soon, so I decide to gently open the door and peek my head in.

Hyunjin was asleep on his bed. He had the bowl of half eater ramen on the nightstand. I looked at him for a minute, finally feeling like I could face him without fear of his pain showing on his face. He just looked peaceful.

Don't be a creeper Felix. I grab the bowl and quietly shut the door on my way out.

I was faced by Minho standing outside the door.

"How is he..?" He asked, genuine concern in his voice and eyes filled with sadness.

"Sleeping. Do you think... we could ever get back to how we were...?" I couldn't stop myself from asking. I will always feel pain but now I feel the pain of not being near him. Not being able to talk to him, not even in a romantic way. I missed my best friend.

Minho looked at me, his expression was sad but he had a comforting small smile on his face. "Knowing you guys... I think you will get to something different. I don't think you could get back to how it was before, but I don't think you should. Back then you were both in denial about your feelings, stopping yourselves from being happy. Now you know how to be happy, you know how you feel. You just need to say it and find a common ground again. Comfort eachother through this period. As much as it pains me to say, you are the only one that can tackle Hyunjin's pain, because it is also yours. Just think about it." Minho placed his hand on my should and smiled at me.

I placed the bowl in the kitchen and washed it. Thinking about Minho's words. Contemplating if I can be strong enough to face the reaction that could come out if I were to confront our feelings. Eventhally I was able to sleep