Catch Me When I Fall

Suspishious

Yes I spelt it like that on purpose.

"You're not mean. Like, you're being really sweet right now. So why do you always pretend you don't care?

"Because I don't."

"You can say that, but I know it's not true."

I look at Khai, my mind lost in a tornado of turmoil as I debate with my internal monologue.

"Do you really wanna know?" I ask.

"Yes, otherwise I wouldn't be asking. Besides, you know how curious I am."

I nod and laugh.

"Yeah. Okay, so I have these stupid attachment problems and-"

"Oh, like trust issues?" Khai interrupts.

"No, it's the opposite. Like I get really attached and really quickly. I don't know why. I mean, I think it's cause I don't get a lot of attention from my parents. Not that they're bad, they're just... busy." I pause. I'm not really lying. My mom is great. "When I befriend someone, I crave that... whatever the opposite of lonely is. I get addicted to it and I get so scared I'll have to let go, because I know I can't. I pretend to be all mean and scary so people stay away from me. Then I don;t have to worry about accidentally getting attached and it not being reciprocated. And I know I won't be able to cope anymore after I've had a taste of what it's like to not be lonely. Hence the reason I'm here and no longer avoiding you."

"Wow. Okay. I was expecting something like trying to come of as mysterious or distant, maybe just to be cooler but... look at you, all... I don't know. But I like it. I think it's cute... uh-ah-um... I mean cool."

"Good, cause it's already to late." I say, ensuring I pay no attention to his rambling so he won't feel any more awkward.

"Too late for what?" He asks me.

"Too late for me not to get attached to you. I don't understand why more people don't like you. They're probably just jealous that you're so much better looking than them."

"You think I'm good looking?"

"You don't?"

"How do you not think you're good-looking?" I ask Khai, amused. 

I know there's plenty of people who wish they look like him.

I've never seen him blush so hard. 

I can tell he doesn't know what to say. I need to stop doing this to him, but I want him to feel more confident in himself.

"Hey can you remind me what the project was? I didn't pay attention. I'd rather be out there doing normal gym stuff than sitting around." I ask, trying to distract him.

Khai still doesn't say anything.

Oops, I broke him.

"Please tell me you know what we're supposed to do." I try again.

"Yeah... I'm... uhh, I do... I just can't... I don't know how you say stuff and then pretend nothing happened." Khai pauses. "I know you didn't mean anything by it and it was just a compliment, but I just... I don't know... I'm..."

"Easily flustered? I know. I'm sorry." I apologize. "But I also know you don't have the best self-esteem. Of all the people, I don't know why it would be you. You're a good person."

"It's because I was bullied a lot through elementary and grade school. And still, I guess." Khai replies, seating himself on his rug. I do so, too.

"That just means you have something they want. They feel challenged by you. They're intimidated that other people will recognize it in you and will notice they're flawed compared to you. They pick on and point out your insecurities so no one will notice theirs or notice you're better than them. That's usually what it is." I tell Khai.