Catch Me When I Fall

I Have Questions

I feel light-headed from disbelief, and the news makes the uneasiness even worse.

"No..." I say breathlessly. "Please no..."

Ricca glances at my grandpa, who guides me to the couch and tells me to sit down.

Ricca sighs and takes a sip from her tea, then sits back on the sofa, pulling her knees up.

"Mom, there's no way we can take care of another kid. We don't even have enough for ourselves, I-I..." I try to find words, but my voice gets lost somewhere in my throat.

"I know, baby. I know." Ricca wipes a single tear away. "But I don't want to get rid of it."

"Then don't." I take her hand into my own and gently squeeze it. "It's your choice."

"But I don't want to make the wrong one."

"I don't think there is one. But if you're going to have this baby, you need to put yourself first. You need to eat more, sleep more... I can handle myself. I'm resourceful. You have to stop worrying about me. Too much stress isn't good for the baby."

"And don't let Boris smoke around you. Avoid any and all teratogens." My grandpa adds.

Ricca nods again, but her face is clouded with worry.

"You're gonna be okay, mom." I tell her sincerely.

She takes a deep breath, still nodding her head because she's trying to convince herself now.

I'd hate for this baby to have to grow up in the same situation that I'm in. The only difference is that he or she will have me to protect them when Ricca isn't around or emotionally available. Even when she is.

Because there's no way in the world I'm going to let my uncle do to my new sibling what he did to me.

I'll have an additional purpose. At least I'll get that out of it.

If everything in the pregnancy goes well, that is.

I know Ricca is immensely stressed. But if I can take some of that from her, let her get rest and make sure she gets well fed...

There is a way I could do it, but I'd have to turn up some of my past. The stuff I really shouldn't get involved with again. I have a job, the police are already keeping a close eye on me, and I would be risking everything. I'm surprised at myself for even considering, but I'm even more surprised when I realize it's a risk I'm willing to take.

But those guys are dangerous, and if I actually go back to them, I need to commit, or I'll undo everything and put my mom and new sibling directly in the line of danger. 

It's a difficult decision, and I find myself struggling between necessity and doing the right thing.

But if Ricca loses her baby, it'll be her last straw. 

She'll fucking break.

🌘🌗🌖🌕🌔🌓🌒

***Jatix's POV***

"Why are you back, Hazel?" I try to hold back the menacing growl in my voice, but it's no use.

"Uhm... mom?"

My gaze shifts to Khai, who has a terrified expression on his face. My tone turns gentle.

"You should go." I tell him.

"B-but... mom?" He turns to his maternal figure for guidance, obviously having distrust in me since I'm practically a stranger to him.