Chasing the Wild Waves (Student Series #1)

Kabanata 25

I had my first with my first boyfriend.

My friends knew about it because I told them about it. It happened once, and it never happened again with the other boys because I know that I will totally regret it in the end. I regret that I lost my virginity at such a young age. I was so young, and I never had any idea about sex at that time. It's good that what we did was safe sex, but that wouldn't change the fact that I've already lost my virginity. I broke up with him after realizing that what we did was wrong. He begged for me to comeback, but I did not give him a chance so eventually.. he gave up.

It was enough that he took advantage of my innocence at that time. I had flings after him, we just kissed and made out, but none of them ever had sex with me. Isang beses lang iyon at ayaw ko nang ulitin pa iyon hangga't wala pa ako sa tamang edad. That was the biggest mistake I ever made in my entire life. I think, until now.. I am still regretting it.

For now, I just wanted to enjoy my teenage life and have fun. I considered what I am experiencing now as gratification. Kahit na ganito ako, ayaw ko pa rin makipag-sex sa kahit sino, 'no. After losing my virginity, I searched about sex. Ayaw ko rin na makakuha ako ng sakit dahil lang doon, kaya hindi ko na inulit pa at isa pa, bata pa ako.

It was too late for me to realize how important virginity is. However, we couldn't do anything about it because it was already taken away from me. Well, based on my research for today's generation, virginity is just a context that society holds against women, and the worth of a woman shouldn't be based on her virginity.

"Carolina, your mother and I had talked, and we have noticed that we're too hard on you," dad said when we were at the table, eating our dinner.

It's been weeks since I started being nice to Ryder and letting my parents think that I was accepting my engagement with their scholar. Every Monday, Ryder gave me five thousand pesos. He said that it's my weekly allowance.

Nasanay na rin ako na binibigyan ako ni Ryder ng pera, kaya kinakapalan ko na nga mukha ko. He insisted anyway, so who am I to refuse his insistence? For weeks with him, it was never easy. I am really uncomfortable with his presence, though I am trying hard to get along with him. Madali rin naman siyang pakisamahan dahil sinusunod niya rin naman ang mga inuutos ko sa kanya, sa ganoong paraan ay medyo napapawi ang nararamdaman kong tensyon sa kanya.

"What do you mean, dad?" I asked my father.

He sighed and handed me something. Bumaba ang tingin ko sa inaabot niya, at ganoon na lang ang panlalaki ng mga mata ko. Napatayo na ako sa gulat at tuwa nang makita ang aking cards na inaabot sa akin ni daddy. I immediately took it all from his hand and hugged my cards tightly. Gosh, my babies! I missed them so much!

"You are doing good," dad said, smiling. "Your professor reported to us that you are doing well in your academics. You're participating in activities and reciting in class, respectively," dad complimented.

I bit my lower lip, trying to hide my smile. Gosh! I am so very happy! Totoo naman kasi iyong ni-report ng isa kong prof kay daddy. I do participate in activities. Ang sabi kasi ni Ryder ay mas maganda kapag sumasali ako sa mga activity dahil doon daw binabase ang performance task.

He also told me that I should recite in class and participate in class. Malaki raw ang impact niyon sa grades ko. His suggestion was nice, though, so I accepted it.

Kaya naman nang pumasok ako kinabukasan ay nakipagkita ako sa mga kaibigan ko para ibalita sa kanila na ibinalik na ni daddy sa akin ang cards ko.

Tuwang-tuwa naman sila dahil malilibre ko na naman daw sila sa mamahaling restaurant sa labas. I still have two thousand pesos left from my weekly allowance from Ryder. Now, he doesn't need to give me money next week because I finally have my cards. Hindi kami sabay na umalis ng bahay kanina dahil sinabi ko sa kanya na mauuna na lang muna ako, pumayag naman siya.