Chasing the Wild Waves (Student Series #1)

Kabanata 59

Seth did not stay long.

Hinatid ko na siya sa palabas pagkatapos naming mag-usap, it seems like we just had our closure. Hindi naman pala masama si Seth, sadyang masyado lang akong mapanghusga sa kanya noon. And he was right, though. My ex-friends are not a good influence on me.. na sinisiraan pala nila ako noon nang harap-harapan, pero masyado pala akong bulag no'n. And speaking of them, wala na rin akong balita pa sa kanila. The last time I heard was about Coth, Kairi, and Josh. Narinig ko lang na may mga girlfriend sila, pero hanggang doon na lang iyon kasi hindi na ako nakibalita pa sa kanila. Once I cut my ties, I want it forever.
 
"Umuwi na ba si Seth? Hinatid mo siya?" dad asked when he opened their door for me.
 
I nodded my head. "Yes, dad. He said to say his goodbyes to the both of you. Ayaw na rin kasi niyang istorbohin kayo ni mommy, kaya ako na lang daw ang magsabi."
 
Dad sighed. "Your mother is too nosy.. I am sorry about her."
 
Hilaw akong ngumiti. "It's okay, dad, and.. about Ry..."
 
"Let's not talk about him," matigas na sabi ni dad at iniwasan ang topic na iyon.
 
"Dad, please, hear me out," I said in a lower voice. "Can we talk, please? About him? I just want to talk to him, dad."
 
"For what, Carolina? Much better if you file a divorce—"
 
"I can't," I cut him off. "I cannot do that, daddy. Please, let's talk about this properly... Palagi ba natin itong iwasan na pag-usapan, dad? Why don't you just hear me out, please?"
 
Dad sighed and looked at me for a minute before nodding his head. Ngumiti ako nang pinaluwagan niya ang pagkakabukas ng kanilang pintuan para makapasok ako. He moved aside to make way for me so that it wouldn't be hard for me to get inside. I went inside their room and saw mommy lying on their king-sized bed and on her phone. Her eyes averted in my direction when she felt my presence. Kaagad niyang pinatay ang cellphone niya at nilapag iyon sa kanilang bedside table.
 
"Hija," aniya at bumangon. "What brings you here, anak?"
 
Umupo ako sa tabi niya at sakto ring lumapit si dad sa amin saka umupo rin sa tabi namin ni mommy. He was looking at me intently, waiting to start a topic about Ryder. He looks impatient.
 
"Mom, dad," I started.
 
"What is it, hija?" si mommy.
 
"I was really thinking that it would be better if I talk to my husband," I said.
 
"Hindi puwede," matigas na wika ni daddy. "I won't allow you to go near him or talk to him, Carolina..."
 
"Dad, please," I pleaded in a very soft voice. "Alam kong galit kayo sa pamilya niya dahil sa nadatnan n'yo no'n pero.. huwag n'yo namang idamay si Ryder. He was out of that matter. He doesn't know a thing."
 
"Hija, imposible iyan, nasa iisang bahay—"
 
"You judge him like that because you don't understand, daddy! You weren't there!" I defended. "Daddy, please!" Nanggigilid na ang mga luha ko habang sinasabi iyon kay daddy. "Ryder is very important to me. He's a part of me, dad, and.. he's my happiness. Bakit kailangan kong layuan ang kaligayahan ko?"
 
"Carolina, we're just protecting you, hija.."
 
"I know, dad, I know and I understand, but.. Ryder is innocent, dad, he didn't do anything wrong to me. He loves me the way I want to be loved, and he gave me everything I want. Dad.. hindi nagkulang sa akin si Ryder.. simula noon at hanggang ngayon..."
 
"Carolina, we've never been good parents to you, pero sa pagkakataong ito, hayaan mo namang bumawi ang mommy at ang daddy mo," dad said. "Alam naming marami kaming pagkukulang sa 'yo kaya.. kahit sa ganitong paraan ay gusto naming iparamdam sa 'yo na mahal na mahal ka namin."
 
I smiled and reached for his hand. I also held mom's hand and pulled them to give them both a hug. I heard dad's large sighed. Si mommy ay tahimik lamang at niyakap ako pabalik. Alam kong hindi nila ako matiis. Alam kong pagbibigyan pa rin nila ako.
 
"Mom, dad, I would be happy if you let me be with my husband," I told them both as we let go of the hug. "Hindi n'yo ba alam kung gaano sa akin kahirap na pilitin ang sarili na mag-isip na ayaw ko siyang kausapin kahit na gaano man ako kasabik sa kanya? Mom, dad.. he's the only one person who made me this grown. He woke up the woman inside me. He gave me a reason to be a better person. He made me feel what's my purpose. Sa kanya ko lang naranasan ang totoong pag-ibig, sa kanya ko nalaman kung paano maging mabuting tao. Dad, ngayong nasa akin na siya.. ngayong hawak ko na siya.. parang hindi ko kayang pakawalan siya."
 
Napatitig sa akin si daddy, pero wala naman siyang sinabi. He looks hesitant, although I can feel that he's trying to understand me. Inangat ko ang aking kamay at hinaplos ang mukha ni daddy. Mula sa matigas sa ekspresyon ay umamo at lumambot ito. I smiled at him.
 
"Dad, alam kong galit kayo sa pamilya niya, pero.. iba po si Ryder," I continued. "Dad.. alam n'yo 'yon, at kilala n'yo siya. We've never seen him for years, but I swear to God, daddy, that he's still that Ryder we used to know before. He's still that man who gave me assurance, the man who made me feel appreciated. Dad, please.. I want to talk to him. I wanted to fix this kasi.. hindi na tama ito, daddy. Hindi na tama na lumayo tayo o umiwas sa isang problema, why don't we just face it instead? Bakit hindi na lang natin pag-usapan para maintindihan natin nang maayos ang lahat?"
 
"Carolina," mom whispered my name.
 
Binalingan ko siya. "Mommy..."
 
She smiled and pulled me for another hug. It was so tight, I couldn't even move. Niyakap ko na lang siya pabalik at hinagod ang kanyang likod.
 
"You're really a grown woman now, and I am so proud that we raised a good woman with a good mindset," she whispered. "Hearing all of that from you, pakiramdam ko ay ako na ang pinakasuwerteng ina sa buong mundo kasi.. lumaki ka na kahit hindi kami naging mabuting magulang sa 'yo.. naging bukas na ang isipan mo sa reyalidad."
 
I chuckled. "Mom, if you're really in love with a good person, you'd do anything to be a good human being so that you could level him. If you really love that person, you would change yourself for the better. If you're really in love, you don't care about what other people say as long as you prove to yourself and to your only love that you are good for him."
 
"I-I am sorry," mom whispered out of nowhere and broke a voice. "I am sorry if I wasn't a good mother to you, but.. look at you now, Carolina. You are better than what we expected. Hindi ko alam na.. ganito pala ang magiging epekto ng tunay na pag-ibig."
 
"Mom, a real love will make you a person with a good heart. A real love won't lead to break you, and it won't make you a worse version of yourself. But a real love will fix you and will make you a better version of yourself. Mom, simula nang minahal ko siya.. hindi ko na naisip pang magmahal ng iba. Siya lang ang gusto kong mahalin nang paulit-ulit at siya lang ang gusto kong pakasalan."
 
"What do you want to do then?" dad asked when he had nothing to ask me.
 
Another smile crept on my lips as I faced him. Sa hitsura niya ngayon ay mukhang wala na siyang magagawa kundi hayaan ang gusto ko.
 
"I want to talk to him," I directly answered. "I wanted to fix this problem."
 
He slowly nodded his head. "Then do what you want to do, Carolina. If it's the only way to make you feel better, do it, but in one condition..."
 
"What is it, daddy?"
 
"Take care of yourself," he said. "Iyan lang ang hinihingi namin sa 'yo, anak. Kung ito rin ang natatanging paraan para patunayan namin sa 'yo kung gaano ka namin kamahal, hahayaan ka namin sa gusto mo dahil malaki ka na rin.. alam mo kung ano ang nakabubuti sa 'yo."
 
I hugged them both when I heard all of what they said. Mom is really too soft. She cried on my shoulder, and she couldn't even let go of me. Ngayon ay napatunayan ko na nga na walang magulang ang kayang tiisin ang anak. Mom and dad proved to me that it's not about parenting me; it's about how to deal with me, no matter how stubborn I am. Minsan talaga ay huli na natin mare-realize na.. kahit nagagalit o naiirita man tayo sa mga magulang natin, mayroon pa rin talagang mga bagay na tama sila at ang kanilang ginagawa ay para lamang sa ikabubuti natin.
 
I thought that I was just nothing to my parents. Ngayon ay nagpapasalamat talaga ako sa kanila kasi.. pinili nila kung ano iyong nakabubuti sa akin. Nagalit pa ako sa kanila noon, pero hindi ko lubos naisip na tama rin pala sila. Akala ko nga ay hahantong na mas pipiliin nila si Ryder dahil mahal na mahal nila iyon pero.. hindi talaga nila kayang talikuran ang pagiging magulang nila sa akin. Sila iyong nagtiis sa akin hanggang sa maabot ko ang edad na ito, sila iyong nariyan at hindi ako pinabayaan o iniwanan kahit na gaano man ako kahirap pakisamahan. Sa kanila ko napatunayan na ang pagmamahal, hindi lamang sa isang relasyon, kundi pati rin sa pamilya ay mayroon.
 
I always thought before that they were not good parents because they're thinking the worst of me, they're always scolding me, and they're always hateful of everything I do. Tama nga pala sila na sobrang sama ko pala noon. People can learn from their mistakes, and it's not because a person did something wrong; he or she is already a bad person. All people have flaws and can make mistakes, but people can learn because, as the years pass, everything changes. Not because you knew that person was not as good as you thought, he or she will forever be like that. No, people can always learn from who they were and from their mistakes.
 
Mom and dad were right in telling me that no matter what circles I was in, I was already like them. Some people can be influenced by others, and some are just starting to grow up. That's why we really can't judge every human being because all of us have flaws and can make mistakes, but we can learn from them. And.. being a bad person doesn't mean you don't have a chance to be loved. We all deserved the love that we wanted.
 
"Which is better, Yuna? This one or.. this one?" Eujin lifted the two polo shirts on the air.
 
Kasalukuyan kaming nasa Mall ngayon para bumili ng damit niya kasi nagpasama siya sa akin, nakakagulat nga. Pinakita niya sa akin ang dalawang damit na pareho ang style, pero magkaiba ang kulay. The polo shirt on the left side is gray, and the one on the right side is white.
 
"I think the white one," I said. "I am sure that it suits you," I added.
 
Ngumiti siya at pumasok sa fitting room para sukatin iyong napiling damit. While he's changing inside the fitting room, I roam my eyes around the place. I am wondering if there are some people who are familiar with me. Dumapo ang aking mga mata sa isang pamilyar na babae na nakasuot ng aviator at may buhat-buhat na bata. It's fucking Zachariah Olive, Charmaine Dior! Mabilis akong tumakbo palapit sa kanya at nagulat din siya sa bigla kong paglapit.
 
"Zacha," I called her name.
 
"A-Ano? Anong kailangan mo?" she asked stutteringly. "Please lang, Yuna Zeigler, wala akong panahon para makipag-away sa 'yo."
 
I sighed and rolled my eyes at her. "I am not here for a war, okay? I am here to ask you a question."
 
"Kung tungkol sa anak ko, wala akong panahon para sagutin ka."
 
"Hindi ito tungkol sa anak mo," I cleared out. "Now, can I ask a question? This is about Ryder. I wanted to talk to you about—"
 
Mabilis siyang umiling. "Puwede ba? Labas na ako sa relasyon ninyong dalawa, Yuna. Ryder and I didn't see each other for a long time. Hindi rin kami nagkakausap pa kung iyan ang prinoproblemahan mo, kaya wala na akong alam sa kanya o sa buhay niya."
 
I was about to ask her more when I heard my cousin's voice. Namilog ang mga mata ni Zacha at mabilis siyang tumalikod at umalis. I rolled my eyes at her back. I haven't asked her yet! Pero siguro nga, wala siyang alam kay Ryder o kung ano man ang plano nito sa akin. Bumalik ako sa pinsan at nakita siyang suot na iyong napili kong damit para sa kanya. It suits him!
 
"Jin! I told you, bagay sa 'yo!" I exclaimed. "Ang pogi mo, ah? May pinopormahan ka siguro, 'no?" I teased.
 
Tumikhim siya at inayos lang ang polo. "Tara na nga, magbabayad tayo, bibilhin ko 'tong damit."
 
"Hindi mo na huhubarin? Susuotin mo na lang?" I asked.
 
"Yeah, I am too lazy to take it off."
 
Iyon lamang ang binili namin ni Eujin, naabutan nga kami ng ulan. Mabuti dahil mayroon siyang dalang sasakyan. Nabasa ako ng kaunti at mabuti naman ay may extra na damit pambabae si Eujin sa loob ng kanyang sasakyan.
 
"Nambabae ka ba rito?" I joked. "Para kang boy scout, ah. May baon na damit pambabae rito."
 
"Oh, you better shut your mouth up, Yuna," sita niya sa akin.
 
He drove me home. Nagpasama lamang siya at binilhan niya lang ako ng pagkain, drive-thru lang at kinain ko na sa loob ng kanyang sasakyan. Siya ang sumundo sa akin sa bahay, kaya siya rin ang maghahatid. Hindi pa kami nakakalapit sa may gate ay humina na ang pagpapatakbo ng sasakyan ni Eujin. Natigilan din ako nang matanaw ang isang pamilyar na tao na nakatayo sa harapan ng gate namin at basang-basa sa ulan.
 
"Is that.. president?" Eujin asked. "I mean, Ryder?"
 
I nodded my head. "Lalabas na 'ko, hindi mo na kailangang pumasok sa loob ng bahay dahil malakas ang ulan, mababasa ka lang at mukhang may pupuntahan ka pa."
 
"Is that okay with you, baby?" malambing niyang tanong.
 
"Oo naman, Jin," mariin kong sinabi.
 
"Alright, here's my umbrella." He just handed me his umbrella, and I immediately accepted it from him. "Tell Tito Frances and Tita Bethany that I'll go now..."
 
Tumango ako. "Okay, mag-ingat ka."
 
Binuklat ko ang payong pagkabukas ko ng pintuan. Malakas ang ulan at malakas din ang hangin. Pagkalabas ko ay nakaramdam kaagad ako ng panlalamig. I am just in my spaghetti crop top and a maong short. Eujin immediately drove away when I closed the door of his car. I just waved at him and hugged myself while holding the umbrella in my other hand.
 
Mabilis kong binaling ang aking tingin sa may gate at nakitang naroon pa rin ang lalaking gusto kong makita. He didn't see me coming near him because he's facing his back to me.

Yakap-yakap niya ang sarili at nakatitig lang sa kawalan. Kinain ng malalaking hakbang ko ang pagitan naming dalawa at pinayungan ko kaagad siya. He was stunned and slowly moved his head in my direction.

Our eyes met, and he looked surprised when he saw me. I smiled at him instead.
 
"S-Scar," he whispered my name.
 
"Why is my husband here, hm?" malambing kong tanong sa kanya. "You should get inside. You'll get cold here."
 
"S-Scarlet," he keeps on whispering my name.
 
Umiling ako sa kanya. "Come on, let's get inside, and we have to talk."