little love

8

Maya

i know i shouldnt have just run out on Carina, it was a bad idea, something old Maya would do. My world had just come crashing down. by habit, i found myself at the station. while i was here, may as well work out. i went up to the gym and started jumping rope. My phone rang. Carina. i hit decline and turned it over on the bench.

I let everything from my child hood replay through my head. everything my father did and said. i flinch at the memories. and then i think about Maddie. Sweet little Maddie.

She was such a happy kid from what i remembered. quiet, but happy. I tried to come around as often as i could, but she was 4 when i went to the olympics. so i was pretty busy in her early years. then i was focused on moving forward. she was in kindergarten when i started the fire academy. the last time i saw her she was 10, playing soccer and swimming. she was quite the little athlete. last i heard, it was just soccer. i tried to follow along as best i could, not in a creepy way, but she was my sister. according to an article last year, Maddie and some other girl were the first 2 freshmen to ever make the varsity soccer team. all signs pointed to a well adjusted kid. so i stayed out of it. i did frame that article though... its in my office. along with a picture of little Maddie and i at the london olympics. i was holding her, she was holding my medal. we both looked happy. when she was little, she followed me around like a little puppy. if we were closer in age, it might have been annoying but we had a nearly 2 decade age gap, so it was cute.

i was lost in thought when i looked at the clock i realized i'd been jumping rope for nearly an hour. my thoughts just kept coming, with every jump: maddie. dad. dad & maddie. dad screaming. maddie cowering behind me. dad throwing a glass at the wall. maddie crying. dad yelling. maddie crawling into my bed with a tear streaked face and that little bear. jump. jump. jump.

Maddie holding onto my hand begging me not to go as i got ready to leave for the fire academy. crying. dad yelling and tearing her away while she screamed for me not to go.

"Shit" i mutter as i trip. my legs had given out after too much jumping. i stay on the floor of the gym for a little bit, catching my breath. i sit up and grab my phone. 3 missed calls from Carina. Shit.

"Maya it has been hours! i was worried you got hit by a car!" Carina's worried voice comes through the phone.

"Car im sorry. i lost track of time. i wound up at the station. any chance you want to come pick me up? ill shower so im clean for you" i added that last bit with as much sass as i could in my tired state.

"Oh mio dio, davvero, Maya..." she continued to mumble at me exasperatedly in italian.

"is that a yes?"

"Si, bambina, i'm on my way" she sighed

----

i run down the stairs after showering, like a good captain, i have plenty of spare clothes in my office.

i smile when i see carina pull up, i hop in her car. and lean in to kiss her.

"im sorry. you're right. im sorry. my dad was abusive. i didnt want to see it. im sorry i pushed you away. im sorry carina. im sorry, i love you. im sorry-" i ramble on and on until she shuts me up by kissing me.

"bambina, im not mad, i was worried." she says softly

"let's get home and i'll show you how sorry i am" i say seductively.

she smiles, and we head home.

----

about a week has gone by since i had my little breakdown. Carina and i are planning a vacation. i dont know when i last took a vacation. maybe never.

"Carina" i say sitting up in bed.

"Si bambina?" she sits up too, hearing my tone.

"i want to find my sister. will you help me? i failed mason, and ive failed maddie all this time, but i dont want to fail her any more. once i let myself accept hat my dad did wasnt okay, i just cant stop thinking of maddie in that house."

"what do you mean find her, shes a kid, shes at home, si?"

"i dont think so. when i went by on her birthday, she wasnt there. something tells me she goes out of her way to not be home." i ramble on, Carina looks at me with concern. i tell her all about the onslaught of repressed memories from the stupid day with jump rope. she looks at me with that adorable crinkle in her eye brow. "what?" i ask after a few minutes of silence

"what do you want to do when we find your sister?" she says with a smirk

"i dont know, we have the extra room..." i trail off. the thought had crossed my mind, having maddie move in. i dont know what the best way forward is, but i dont like the idea of her staying in that house.

"si bambina you do." i notice her distinction. i do. i said we. i bite my lower lip.

"move in with me." i say, more as a statement than a question.

"Maya-"

"im serious, move in with me. i want to do this, but i want to do it with you" i look at her. i cup her face in my hands. "move in with me"

"bambina..." she says hesitantly. i look at her with my best puppy dog eyes. "maya... are you sure"

"i've never been more sure of anything in my life" i hold her gaze

"yes"

"yes?"

"yes bambina i will move in with you" she laughs. i kiss her. and i kiss her some more.