little love

18

maya

"carina she hates me. we should go" i say anxiously as we sit in the parking lot with alexa

"for what it's worth, i think it's a good idea. lily and i have been worried about maddie. she's got dark circles no 16 year old should ever have. a few weeks ago she confessed to lily that she'd been sleeping in her car- oh yeah you're sister is so badass that she saved up money and got herself a car- sorry not the point" alexa rambled but i hung on her every word while clinging to carinas hand. "anyway she told lily that she'd gone back home but i don't think i believe it. she'll fight you and she'll try and say she doesn't need you, but maya, she does." she looked me in the eye and hugged me.

i sit in the curb with my head in my hands the whole team files out, no maddie and no lily. i catch carina and alexa's eye and they both nod. this was the plan.

while carina tended to maddie, alexa and i asked lily if she could keep maddie in the locker room for a bit. let the parking lot clear out. looks like lily was holding up her end of the bargain. now all
they could do was wait.

i couldn't sit anymore so i started pacing. i didn't know what i would say when she came out and i was running out of time to figure it out.

"bambina" i hear carina say softly

"carina she thinks i abandoned her. she thinks i left and forgot about her. she has no idea how hard i tried to stay in touch. i'm gonna kill lane. he kept me from her. he made her hate me. he made her feel like i didn't love her. carina how do i undo that." i rambled as i continued pacing

"well i suppose that's a start" i hear a voice say as i whip my head around

"maddie" i say softly bringing my hands to my lips. she looks at her shoes and kicks around some dirt, unwilling to meet my eyes. "maddie, little love?" i whisper using the pet name i used when she was small. it registered in her brain. i saw the recognition.

"you left" she tells the ground. "you left and you didn't look back."

"yes. i left. but maddie honey i didn't mean to leave you." i plead. i take a step towards her but she holds up a hand and takes a step back. god i want to hug her. i want to wrap her in my arms and tell her she's safe. "maddie he wouldn't let me see you. lane- dad- he wouldn't let me see you. if i ever came by he said you were out. if i called he wouldn't let me talk to you." i see that she's listening intently so i just keep going.

"i tried to come to your school a few years ago. but a 20 something hanging around a middle school
didn't look great. when i made captain i tried to use that title to find you. maddie i never. never. stopped loving you. the article from last year about you making varsity? and from this year about you making captain sweetheart those are framed in my office, right next to the picture of you and i in london. do you remember that? you were so little"
i see maddie bite her lip. i see her pick at her fingers. they look bloody. looks like we have some similar bad habits.

her head is down, but all i want is for her to look at me. "little love. maddie? hun can you look at me?"
she looks up and rubs her face. she pinches the bridge of her nose and i hear carina laugh. both maddie and i turn to look at her and i can tell that she, like me, forgot we weren't the only 2 people in the parking lot.

"sorry sorry - maya she does the same" carina says mimicking the mannerisms we share.

"maddie. can we talk? please? from what i've heard you have turned into a really amazing young person. please maddie. can we talk? we can go grab dinner? just us 2?"

i look at her. pleading with my eyes. and she nods. i exhale.