Maddie
Summer was slow going, as there wasn't much I could really do. But luckily, we were mid way through July, so getting close to 3 months since my injury. I couldn't wait to get this stupid cast off. After my break down a while ago, Maya and Carina had gotten me back into therapy, I spoke with Diane twice a week. They made me take my meds in front of them, it was annoying, but it was helping. I had also started calling Maya and Carina my moms. Biologically, maya was my sister, but she took care of me as a baby and took me in when i was practically homeless. She gave me a real sense of family. She was more a mom than my mother ever was. Maya was mom and Carina was mama. I still used their first names from time to time, they were both very patient and let me use whatever i was more comfortable with. I was really lucky honestly.
Lily had been keeping me well updated on our travel team, and hanging out with me whenever she was in town. I spent a lot of time at the station too. Cheffy also came by a fair bit, bringing food with him always. He was a good buddy.
Today, i was hanging out at the station and Jack was on desk duty.
"So, are you ever going to admit that there's something going on with you and Alexa?" I asked him. They had been flirting mercilessly for months but neither of them would make a move.
"Ahh mad dog, ever the observer i see" Jack dodged my question.
"Oh come on you know you two flirt like crazy!" I started, and the team returned from the call "auntie Vic, tia andy— come back me up— something is up with Jack and Alexa right?"
"Oh yeah for sure" Vic said, ruffling my hair as she walked past me
"Mija, you're right" Andy agreed
"See, we all see it. Just ask her out already!!" I said
"I'll take it under advisement" he said dashing up the stairs to avoid me
"Coward!" I called after him "Hi mom!!!" I said calling to Maya, who looked exhausted, but her face brightened when she saw me
"Hey kiddo!!!" She came over to plant a kiss on my head but i shoved her off
"Go shower you smell like smoke" i teased her
Maya rolled her eyes and headed off to shower, leaving me alone with Andy.
"so mija, when's your next appointment? The cast should be coming off soon right?" Andy asked
"Yeah!! It's next Tuesday. So just about a week left and hopefully this monstrosity can come off. I know I'll probably still be in a boot or short cast, but at least then i can bend my knee and move a bit" I said. "Mama even said i could probably start PT once the big cast comes off"
"That's great Maddie! I'm so excited for you kiddo!! And how are you doing with everything else?" She asked. I knew Maya had told our station family about my breakdown. They all had been giving me space, but i knew they were worried, especially andy.
"Tia... im okay i promise. Look" i showed her my arm, proving there were no fresh cuts. "I see Diane twice a week and maya and carina make me take my meds in front of them. I'm okay tia andy"
"Good, we need you around here kiddo, don't scare us like that again, okay?" She said bending down to hug me "you know Maya and Carina love you, but you know we do too right? You're my niece, okay? Familia!"
"Gracias tia andy. Te amo tia, te amo mucho" i answered her in Spanish, which made her smile.
"Te amo Maddie. Te amo mucho mija." She rubbed my back. Before pulling away to answer the phone.
—
i tossed and turned the night before my appointment. What if my leg wasn't healing well? What if i needed to spend more time in the full cast? What if i couldn't play soccer ever again? My thoughts raced, the volume of my dad's voice in my head increased. It told me i was worthless, that if I couldn't win, Maya and Carina would abandon me. Lily wouldn't be my friend if we didnt play soccer together anymore... it went on and on. For the first time in recent weeks, i really really wanted to cut. I rolled over and looked at my phone... it was almost 1 am. Maya and Carina were likely sleeping. I couldn't interrupt them. But i needed to do something.
I sat up in bed and ran my hands through my hair. It was still short, but was about back to the length it was when i first came to live with Maya and Carina, so right around shoulder length. It was more layered than it was, but i was pleased that the length was getting closer to what i wanted. I could at least get most of it into a ponytail now. I tried to take deep breaths and use techniques that Diane and Dr. Simon gave me, but it just wasn't working. I was going to have a full on panic attack if i didnt do something soon.
The part of my brain that had been learning from my therapy told me that maya and carina would want me to wake them up, but Lane's voice tried to drown it out, telling me they would be mad and disappointed if i woke them up. It was turning into a screaming match in my head.
I tried to calm myself down but I couldn't. By now i was shaking. Even if i wanted to I couldn't get myself into maya and carinas room.
"M-m-may—- Ma-MAYA!" I stuttered out. Lane's voice told me to shut up and not disturb them. "Ca—Car—Rina CARINA!" I managed to raise my voice now "MOM! MAMA!" I shouted. My whole body was trembling. Lane's voice roared in my head. I held my head in my hands and squeezed, willing him to shut up.
Maya and Carina came bursting through my door. They instantly rushed to my side.
"Mads, honey what's happening?" Maya asked
"I i i i ca- can't i - can't — brea—breathe" I couldn't seem to form words
Maya crawled in bed behind me and wrapped her body around mine, applying pressure. Carina sat in front of me and held my face gently in her hands.
"Look at me, Maddie, eyes only on me. No eyes forward. Eyes on me bella" Carina said, I finally met her soft brown eyes. "Good cuore mío. Good job Mads. Now tell me 5 things you can see."
"Y-your e-eyes. C-cr-crutches, bl-bla-blanket." I stuttered out
"2 more Maddie, you can do it" Carina encouraged me
"Mom's hands. My water bottle"
"So good amore. Now 4 things you can feel" She encouraged me. I had tried to do this exercise on my own, but having Carina walk me through it was actually working.
"The sheet. Maya holding me. Your hands. The air from the fan."
"You're doing so well Maddie, 3 things you can hear bella"
"The fan, your breathing, and the tv" i was relieved they were still awake. I could hear their tv playing
"Grazie bella. 2 things you can smell"
"your shampoo. The candle in the bathroom"
"Good Maddie, one thing you can taste."
"Um blood- i bit my lip im sorry" i said. I was calm now, it worked.
"Maddie im so proud of you bubs" Maya said from behind me
"Si, Miele. You called for help im so proud of you Maddie" Carina said, releasing her gentle hold on my face and giving my good leg a reassuring pat.
"Thank you for coming in. He said you would be mad, I couldn't drown him out on my own."
"Little love, im so proud of you. You called for help. You ignored him. You shut him up. I love you, you are safe, you are worthy of love and patience." Maya curled around me so her head poked over my shoulder and planted a kiss on my cheek. "You should get some rest though"
"Will you both stay?" I whispered.
"Of course we will. Let's get cozy and all get some rest" Carina said, and her and Maya settled on either side of me and we all dozed off like that, safe with my moms.
YOU ARE READING
little love
Fanfictionwhat if maya bishop had a little sister, that she left behind? as maya realizes all the ways her father abused her in her youth, she can't help but wonder what happened to her little love. maddie is in high school now and works hard to get by. she...
