little love

14

Maya

"okay bambina tell me everything" carina says softly while playing with my hair.
i lean into her, hesitating. once i start talking, i can't stop. i tell her everything from maddie in the fire, realizing she must've been at work on her birthday, to my plan.

all i know right now is that maddie is a captain of the soccer team. as a sophomore. captain of a varsity sport as a sophomore. i couldn't help but feel proud of my little sister.

"the soccer schedule is posted online." i say, pacing. telling carina my plan has me worked up.

"mmhmm" she chuckles, still in bed

"it's public knowledge car- i want to go to a game. i want to talk to her. i need to carina"

"si bambina, but showing up at a high school, in front of people, just be careful Maya. if she's anything like you she's going to be stubborn and her instinct is going to be to run. when's the next home game, i'll come with you"

i sigh with relief when she offers to go with me. i'm worried my parents will be there. lord knows my dad never missed a track meet. "thanks car. there's one tomorrow"
——-
i am terrified. my leg bouncing up and down in the passenger seat of carinas car. she drove, she knew i'd be nervous. i love her. she knows me so well.

carina puts her hand on my leg and looks me in the eye. she puts her other hand on my cheek. "ready bambina?" she asks. i nod.

we get out of the car and head over to the soccer field. i scan the crowd for my parents and don't see them. i make a face. i'm honestly not sure how i feel about it. on one hand i'm relieved not to have to see my father. i haven't seen him since i realized that he abused me. i will need a lot more therapy before i do. on the other hand, my heart broke a little that maddie had no one in the stands for her.

Carina grabs my hand, almost like she can feel my nerves. "breathe bambina" she whispers. i let go of a breath i didn't realize i was holding. she laughs and leads me to some open seats.

"my parents aren't here Car" i lean over and whisper. she squeezes my hand. god i don't deserve her. she just gets me.

it's crowded. more crowded than i would expect a high school women's soccer game to be. it makes me smile seeing all the students out to support. all the sudden an announcers voice booms through the stadium. he welcomes us and introduces the visiting team and their starting line up. there's polite clapping.

then all the sudden everyone in the stands starts to rapidly stamp their feet. i'm shocked. i see carina is too. but i guess this is something of a tradition so we smile and join in.

"AND NOW," the announcers voice booms as the stomping stops, "electric feel" by MGMT starts playing.
"INTRODUCING YOUR SANFORD HIGH SCHOOL LAAAAADY MUUUUSTANGS!"
the crowd erupts into cheers

"okay this is awesome" i turn to carina who nods in agreement

"AND YOUR STARTING 11 - IN GOAL, NUMBER 19: LIIIIILLLYYYY MAATHEWS!"

the crowd cheers, but the woman in front of my seems really excited for the goalie.

the announcer rattles off 9 more starters. we cheer politely.

"AND FINALLY, YOUR CAPTAIN, NUMBER 11 - MAAAAADIE BIIISHOP!"

the crowd goes wild the woman in front of us cheers just as enthusiastically for Maddie as she did for the goalie. i wonder who she is.

the crowd settles, they play the national anthem and the game gets ready to start.

i can't help it, i'm taken by the energy. it's electric. i'm screaming along with the crowd. carina is too.

"hi! i don't think i've seen you before- know someone on the team, or just big high school soccer fans?" the woman in front of us turns around to ask. she looks young. can't have been out of high school long.

"yeah! we kinda know someone on the team" carina replies while i try to shake the feeling that i've seen this woman before.

"oh well, that's not vague. i'm alexa- my little sisters the goalie. i played in high school too, but lily is better than i ever was." she rambles on and it hits me

"oh my god- Alexa!!?" she looks at me with alarm "it's Maya. maddie's sister." i say quick to introduce myself.

"omg maya!!" she hugged me "i haven't seen you in years!!! you and your parents must be so proud- she's the youngest varsity captain in school history. not just soccer, every sport. she's really talented and college scouts have already taken an interest" alexa rambles on

wow. wow. i honestly can't believe it.

i'm trapped in my head, letting my thoughts go crazy and i hear carina start to make small talk with alexa. thank god for her.

last i saw alexa she was a pimply 14 year old. last i saw maddie and lily they were just little kids and the soccer they played barely had rules. i missed a lot.