A Second Chance (book 2. of Transport)

22) Space

I was up first. Still, I made sure not to move as I kept him wrapped in my hold. I didn't even look down as his breath tickled my neck and his tears had ended up drying on my skin overnight. I don't care about that. I just want him to be okay. Always and forever.

While it's not the most realistic, I can try to make it possible.

Hearing him mumbling to himself, my heart dropped until he just barely lifted his head. It was easy to see that he was an absolute wreck. With puffy and red eyes, dark bags, and tear streaks on his face, he looked like you would expect someone who had a late night breakdown to.

"Hi,"I whispered.

"Hi,"He whispered back in a shaky voice.

"This is real,"I promised before he had to ask. He let out a quiet sigh and gave me a nod before sitting against the wall. Putting his head back, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

After a moment of hesitation I grabbed the blanket. Placing it over his shoulders, I sat on the bed next to him. Without a word he held out half, silently signaling me to stay close. Doing so, I traced my fingertips on his arm while letting him gather his thoughts.

Hearing his breathing grow even again, I looked up to see his head had just barely dropped. Leaning his head on my shoulder, I kept my arm around him as I saw how badly this had drained him. While that wasn't exactly surprising, I'm sure it didn't make it any easier.

"I'm sorry for what happened, and I'm sorry you think it's because of anything you did,"I whispered. "You did nothing wrong, Aris. And I love you. You deserve that. You deserve to be loved,"I promised.

Sitting there, I started listing reasons why. From the most miniscule details about things like how his hands are always just a little cold, to simple things like his laugh, to his secretly clingy yet private self, I listed all the reasons he deserves the world. Then, seeing as it certainly wouldn't, I apologized for all it had done to him.

While in the middle of telling him all these things without actually telling him the door swung open. Before Gally could wake him I shook my head no. When he threw me a confused look I just pointed to Aris who was still asleep and mouthed the word tired. To my surprise and thankfulness he nodded and closed the door.

Holding him close, I easily started over with everything I had just said to him. It was the least someone could give him.

ᕙᕗᕙᕗᕙᕗᕙᕗᕙᕗᕙᕗᕙᕗ

At some point during the day Aris lifted his head. Glancing over, I saw him open his eyes before yawning.

“Morning, my love,”I whispered.

“I'm sorry,”He immediately blurted out.

“Aris-”
“I didn't think you’d notice. I’m sorry, and I didn't mean to, and I don't want to be irritating, and please don't hate me. Just don't leave. It can't be right. You-you can't-”
Aris.

"“I’m sorry,”He uttered.

“For what? For what others put you through? For being affected by decisions you didn't even make? For needing reassurance?”

“I don't even know, but I am.”

“Aris, listen to me,”I started, taking his face in my hands. Looking into his numbed over, glassy eyes, I pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose before continuing. “You don't need to apologize for existing. Do you understand? You're allowed to do that. You're allowed to take up space, and you should,”I promised.

“I just don't want to take up too much. I don't want to be too much,”He whispered.

“And how much is too much? Having to feel things? Needing someone to be there for once? Not wanting what’s happened to you for your entire life to continue? Is that too much?”

Without a word he threw his arms around me. Hugging back, I kept my hands around his shoulders as I rubbed his back. While he wasn't crying this time it wasn't hard to feel the weight he was carrying on his shoulders.

“If my parents were here do you think that they would be proud of who I am?”He whispered.

“Yes. If they were good then yes.”

“Do you think they somehow forgave me? The other subjects.”

“I don't know. I’m sure a good amount would. There were so many that some had to.”

“Thank you,”He mumbled, pressing a kiss to my neck as he pulled away.

“I’m here for whatever you need, okay? At any time,”I promised.

“I just didn't want to wake you.”

“Well I do. I’d rather have you cry on my shoulder all night than deal with it alone, okay? I’ll hold you for hours if you want, but you have to wake me up.”

“And you wonder why I love you,”He mumbled. Thankfully, he said it with a small smile this time.

“You need to go wash up,”I reminded him. He kissed my cheek before going to do so.

Taking a breath, I laid on the bed and prayed he actually heard me. Not just that but that he listened and believed me.

Aris's P.O.V

I want to believe her. I can. I will. Definitely not right now, probably not soon, but I will believe her words to the fullest extent one day.

I've said it before. I don't doubt her. I doubt myself. I doubt that I can actually do what she believes I can.

But if she told me I’m capable of all those things and worth being here and being okay, then I must be.