A Second Chance (book 2. of Transport)

24) Oxymorons

Despite all the information we learned I was keeping my mind sane the best way I knew how when trapped somewhere with no escape. I mean we're not exactly leaving this place to just walk around. Not unless it was to go to the other's rooms for a bit or eat. That left us with basically nothing to do that would help distract us.

Technically, there was. It's just not the same when Frypan isn't there to whine about losing, and I honestly don't want to deal with people right now. Besides, one of course. Aris and wood carving are essentially my life. Both are great distractions from our problems which I truly do appreciate sometimes.

There's also times like this. Times where Aris seemed to genuinely have attachment issues. To be realistic, he probably does.

"Y/N, can you please come-"
"No,"I interrupted.

"Why?"

"Because I said so."

"Well I want you down here with me,"He complained.

"I am less than a foot away,"I pointed out. He just let out a loud groan as I heard him lay on the bottom bunk. Rolling my eyes, I went back to my work.

"If only I had someone next to me,"He sighed.

"You are such a drama queen."

"If only someone loved me."

"Aris-"
"If only I wasn't all alone."

"Aris, you mentally unstable, twat. Just be quiet for a few minutes."

"I haven't talked to you for two hours."

"Just keep doing that."

"Why don't you make me?"

"If you keep distracting me I'm going to end up cutting myself,"I reminded him.

"Sorry,"He whispered in an almost silent voice. Hearing the way he sounded sort of guilty, I figured he needed some way to remember that I was real.

Holding my tools and work still for a moment, I moved to the edge and dangled my feet over the bed. I don't even think he realized, but he heaved a sigh of relief at the proof that I wasn't just some voice.

Aris's P.O.V

I can't tell her just how far things truly went. I don't want to. I don't want to tell her how big of a part she played. I don't want to tell her what I did. I don't want to tell her what it made me think. I don't even want to talk about it.

It sort of haunts me though. Makes me think that maybe I am actually insane now. Maybe I'm still there and have just lost my mind.

Then, she's next to me. She's not someone else, and she's not trying to hurt me or convince me of things I know aren't true. She's sweet yet sarcastic. She's closed off yet willing to talk to me. She doesn't like speaking to others yet has conversations with me for hours. She doesn't give affection very often yet she lets me give her as much as I can. She won't say she loves me yet she dances around it to say a million many other things. She won't kiss me first yet always let me brush my lips against hers.

That's how I know this is Y/N. She's the very definition of an oxymoron. Everything about her doesn't make sense unless you know her, and I do. I also love the hell out of her.

And she still knew what I was thinking. That's why she made sure some part of her was visible.

ᕙᕗᕙᕗᕙᕗᕙᕗᕙᕗᕙᕗᕙᕗ

I died a little inside when I had to keep sitting in silence. Every now and then, just to be safe, I would ask her a question. Thankfully, she answered in a way only she can.

Everything was honestly pretty uneventful after that. More takeout, sarcastic comments from Fry, and back to our rooms.

She still hadn't really spoken. I don't know if she was tired or if I did something, but a thousand scenarios that probably weren't true went through my mind as I stayed by her side.

"Are you okay, my love?"She whispered in my ear. Without a word I moved so I was on top of her. Adjusting herself, she wrapped her arms around me.

"You're not sick of this, right?"I mumbled.

"Sick of what?"

"My touch. My love. Me,"I listed.

"Aris, can I tell you something?"

"Always,"I promised. Despite this, she was still silent for a minute. Just as I thought that she had fallen asleep or changed her mind she took a deep breath and started talking.

"Aris, you changed everything. I used to think love couldn't be real. I used to think it was all an act, because it's what's expected. You're supposed to say and do all the right things, settle down, and have kids. Now that I know you though, it's obvious that's not true. In the beginning we did all the wrong things, but it was worth it. Even with all the known and unknown things ahead, all of it's worth it, no matter how it ends. I wouldn't try to change anything we've been through. Not the betrayal, not the anger we had, not the pain, none of it. The only thing I would change is trying to stay so you wouldn't hurt. I can't do that though, but if I could take the hurt from you, I would do it without a second thought. Since that's not possible though, I can always reassure you that I'll be there. You will always have me. Aris, you taught me things I didn't think I wanted to know. Like how it's possible to love in front of others and behind closed doors. Someone being everything, soulmates you find where you least expect, that you didn't even think you wanted or needed, it's all real. It's you, Aris. You are everything. I can lose anything in the world but not you. Never you,"She confessed, taking my face in her hands so I was looking at her. Brushing a stray piece of hair out of my eyes, she pressed a kiss to my forehead.

"How are you real?"I mumbled.

"It doesn't matter. I am,"She shrugged.

"Y/N, it does. I mean you take up so much of my mind and heart that they don't belong to just me anymore. Even when I'm not trying to, there's always this thought of you. These thoughts of "I wish I could put my hand in hers" or "I wish she was here". You take up everything, and you don't even know it. You don't know the way I broke in front of everyone, with absolutely no shame, when you left. You don't know the way the thing they used against me was you. You don't know that the only time I feel safe, truly safe, is when I'm in your arms. You don't know the way waking up next to you still feels like a dream. You don't know the way I can't let anyone else touch you, take you, think about you. You don't know the way I'm going to be your first and last. First and last kiss, first and last love, first and last everything. You know that I love you, but you don't know how much, and you don't know how scared I am to lose you."

"I'm sorry,"She repeated, kissing my forehead again. Wrapping my arms around her, I kept clinging to her like if I let go she would vanish.

"Sleep, my love. Sleep,"She pushed, rubbing circles on my back.

"I want to talk to you though,"I argued, holding back a yawn.

"We'll talk in the morning. Right now, you need to sleep."

"You are such a hypocrite,"I murmured, feeling my eyes shut against my will. Pushing me over the edge, she started humming to me while running her fingertips up and down my spine.

I tried. I really, really did, but she was far too comforting for me to not listen to her.