Kingdom Of Cards chpt 4 N.S. story Bad Omens

Give me the words to say

Noah's POV
I wake up sweating and breathing like crazy. I only managed to sleep three hours before my body alerts me on how badly I want it (need it) if you will. This has to stop but it's miserable. I can't take it much longer. My body is screaming for more while my mind is racing for any other escape. How, why, where, what? Is all I can possibly think of.

Quickly I get out of bed and race into the bathroom. Turing the lights on was a mistake, the brightness blinds me and I see double as I see my reflection. I looked horrible. Dead and completely damaged is all that can describe the man in the mirror. Who am I now?

I soak my face with water and put my hand on the mirror. "What did you do? " I whisper to myself as I stare at this person I've become. "I know it's too late to beg you for mercy, but you can't make me suffer anymore. Give me death, please take me. I don't deserve life. Death seems to be the perfect solution... Father, I ask you for death." I pray before closing my eyes and removing my hand from the mirror. I make a fist and count to three before smashing my white knuckles into the solid glass frame.
Glass shatters everywhere as the warm red liquid flows down my fingers. Blood

Tiny peices of glass fall to the floor as the larger slices fall into the sink. I look in the sink at a slice that reflects half of my face. That was the perfect one, so I reach for it. Not wanting to cut my fingers, I use my sleeve and wrap it around the shattered glass. It had to be six inches at least, which is enough.

I sit down against the sink cabinet doors on the floor and slowly roll my sleeve up on my right arm. Raising the glass up to my pale flesh, the door opens. I look up between the strands of hair in front of my eyes and see Sebastian. He's in his pjs and slowly walks over to me.

"Dad?" He looks so sad as he steps into the bathroom and comes to give me a hug. "Dad, you're gonna hurt your arm again. " he says as I pull him into me tightly. "I know, buddy... Sebastian, I'm so sorry. " I whispered as he buried his face into my neck.
"I know, Dad. I still love you anyway. " that made me smile as my eyes water.
"You're so strong buddy" we slowly pull away but he still sits in my lap as I rock him back and forth. "You can do this, Dad." I really wanted to believe my son's words, but it almost seems impossible to get back on track.

"Sebastian, how did you feel when I was gone for five years? " I asked as he looks at me with a sadden expression. "I missed you so much, Dad. I don't want you to go. I love mom, but I want to see my dad too. Your my favorite person, Dad." A tear slowly falls down my face at his words. 'Favorite person ' was what Sebastian thought of me. I don't think I've ever heard anyone say that to me face to face and in such an honest manner. I didn't know he missed having a father around so much, and it really made me reconsider the peice of sharp glass in my right hand.
Right as I was about to set it down, Eleanor comes into my site. I try to hide the glass, but she already knew what I was intending to do. "With our son right there on your lap. You should be so ashamed, Noah. " she says looking so angry and disappointed in me. I knew how wrong it was, but it felt so right.

"Eleanor, we're just tal- she puts her hands up to silence me. "I do not want to hear another word from you tonight, Noah. Sebastian, go to your room." He looks at me before standing up. "Love you, Dad".
"Love you too, buddy. I'll see you in the morning. " he kinda smiles before walking past Eleanor and leaving the room. My gaze meets Ellie's and she looked so upset.

"I don't want you here. You can come see him anytime during the day, but at night you'll be expected to stay at a hotel. " my eyes go wide. "A hotel?" She nods and points to the door.
"Eleanor, this is my home! You can't kick me out. " I defend while slowly pulling myself off the floor. "You want a one percent chance of even getting us back? You will do what we want and earn it back." The respect game is back on. I see what she's doing.
"This is what you want, not him." I refer to Sebastian as she slowly approaches me. "You wanna keep pushing me? " I knew by her tone to just stop. She's literally about to walk out of my life again. "Fine... fine. I'll stay at a hotel until I'm better, but I want to see my kids and you everyday... Deal?" I questioned as she just glared at me. "I don't know yet, we'll see how well you do. Your suitcase is downstairs. The kids will see you tomorrow." And just like that she leaves the room.

I roll my eyes but go to put my shoes on before walking downstairs to leave for the night.....