Kingdom Of Cards chpt 4 N.S. story Bad Omens

Far From Home

*SUICIDE ATTEMPT*

TWO WEEKS LATER
Eleanor's POV
I buckled in Caleb as Noah made sure Sebastian was seated safely. We were leaving to head down to the airport.
We already said goodbye to the guys, which Nick and Folio are also leaving to go home. Jolly is gonna stay for another month then go back to Sweden until Noah decides to start up the tour again, but he too needs a lot of time to recover.

"Some time next year. Thanks, bye." I hear Noah say as he shuts his door.
I look at him from the passenger seat as he starts the car. "Everything good? " I asked, reaching for my seatbelt. "Yeah, we're gonna start tour again next year." He looked excited about the tour, but definitely needs time. "I'm glad to hear that, Noah." He smiles before leaning over to kiss me.
"Let's go home." I nodded as he too puts his seatbelt on and starts our journey to head back home...

HOME
After HOURS of driving, flying, walking, and pure exhaustion, Noah and I carried our sleeping boys inside our house in Italy. It was 1:33 in the morning and we were so ready to get in bed.

Noah locks the front door and tosses his suitcase to the side as I too set my bag down. It was dark inside, but I still have a good memory as to where our rooms are. "Can you see?" I whispered to Noah as he follows me up the stairs with Sebastian sleeping in his arms. "Yeah, just be careful." He whispered back as I held Caleb against my chest.

Eventually we get the boys in bed without waking them. They can shower tomorrow, it's so late and their tired. I shut the lights off as my boys sleep peacefully in their beds. They're such a blessing to Noah and me. We love them so much.
"Goodnight, sweeties." I whisper with a smile before quietly closing their door. Now I'm gonna change and get in bed.

I walk down the hallway and hear the shower on. Noah must've been in there. I remove my shoes and socks before entering the large bathroom. I see Noah with his hands on the sink and face staring down at the sink. He looked sad? I stood in the doorway just taking in the sight of him...
Depression, Noah's own worst enemy.

"Baby? " I call quietly as he lifts his head up to meet my gaze. "Yeah?"
"You ok?" I asked slowly approaching him. His eyes were red and looked so sad as exhaustion fills them. "Same sh*t from before. How are you feeling? " he sounded like he was about to pass out. "I'm ok, just tired"
"Go get some sleep. I'll be back in ten minutes, ok babe? " he says softly while kissing my forehead. "Ok. Enjoy your shower." I smile as he nods. I hope the shower helps him, I can see it in his eyes how depressed he is right now....

Noah's POV
I shut the bathroom door a minute after Ellie left. I was so depressed and felt like I need my second distraction. I'm too tired for sex and I haven't done it in a long time... My razor sits up on the shower rack as the steamy water falls and fogs up the bathroom mirrors. I know it's wrong and I should talk to Eleanor about it, but it's not something that I feel comfortable speaking about with people, so I suffer in silence.

I stood there in my boxers just thinking on what to do. My body is still very skinny, but I've been able to gain some weight within the past few weeks. My fingers shake against the cool counter top as my mind tells me to do it. I need to feel something...
Pain... heartache.... past traumas.... or just anything that can hurt me.

F*ck it

I grab my razor off the rack and quickly slide the blades across my wrist. The pressure made it a deep cut, much deeper than the one I made in the truck months ago. "F*ck" I whispered as the sharp pain runs up and down my arm. Warm blood rolls down my inked skin like tears leaving a broken heart's eyes. The pain was much worse than usual, but yet it felt so good at the same time.

I grab the towel beside the sink and press down firmly on my new scar.
"Agh!" I flinched from the pain as the red liquid sinks through the gray towel. This was a bad cut. I know this is serious due to the amount of blood, so I quickly open the door and call Ellie.

"Ellie? Baby please, I need your help." I said as a tear leaves my eyes. "Ellie?" I call again as the hallway light turns on. I don't how she's gonna respond to this again, but I need her help.

A few seconds later I see her walk down towards the bathroom with widened eyes. "Oh no, Noah not again." She says in worry while jogging down to my side. "I'm sorry, it's really deep. " I barely said as she opens the drawer a few inches from my head. "I knew I shouldn't have left you alone." I swallow harshly as my eyes stay glued to Ellie's green ones.
The fear and stress was clearly obvious as our eyes meet again.
"Noah, what are you sad about? " she didn't mean to sound harsh and I quite honestly can't blame her, I'm making things harder for her.
"Ellie, it's a condition I can't-
"Bullsh*t Noah! This needs to stop." She grabs my arm and removes the now soaked up towel. "I gotta call, Amanda. She's the only person out here who knows how to use  stitches."
"Eleanor, no please don't wake her." I beg but she was already walking down the hallway.

Amanda knows I have issues, but not to the point where I'm slicing myself.
I really don't want her to see me like this or Sebastian.

"Thank you so much, Amanda. We'll see you soon." I hear Ellie say before angrily slamming the phone down on the shelf beside her. "Not only did you wake me, but you woke your kind hearted house keeper too." I just stare at her with nothing to say. "Noah, this is getting old. Why do you keep doing this to yourself?"

She stands with her arms crossed, wearing one of my t shirts and a pair of shorts, waiting for an answer. "I don't know what to say, Eleanor.... I'm sorry." I remember those eyes full of heartbreak and anger. They haven't changed one bit.
"Actions speak louder than words."
"Eleanor, I don't want you feeling that way, but it helps." That's when the doorbell rang. "I don't want to see you anymore tonight." Ellie says wiping her eye and quickly heading downstairs to let Amanda inside.

A few seconds later I see Amanda quietly walking down towards me with a small smile. "Hello honey, what's gonna on?" She says sweetly while carrying an emergency kit with her. "Hi Amanda, thank you for coming out at this hour." She nods like it's nothing but it's a real pain in the *ss for her. "Anytime dear, why don't you sit on the counter while I get you cleaned up." I nodded while slowly standing up and slightly jumping to sit on the counter.

"Talk to me, dear... What's wrong? "