Kingdom Of Cards chpt 4 N.S. story Bad Omens

Sorry for nothing

Eleanor's POV
I woke up to Noah coughing his lungs up beside me. The side effects of this diagnosis are so hard on him, like yesterday was the blood vomiting and today he's coughing harshly. I feel so bad for him.

I reach over and gently rubbed his back as the coughing dies down.
"Do you want some water, Noah? "
"I'm good, thanks. Could you help me get this? " he holds the cords of his IV up. "Sure. Since we're not going anywhere today, you should keep it on. Remember Phil said to keep it on whenever you're home? " he nods as I walk to his side of the bed and remove the needle from his wrist.
"I f*cking hate this, Nana died from the same thing." I nod following him to the bathroom.

As Noah turns the sink on, I stand beside him and watch as he grabs his toothbrush. "You ok?" He asks putting toothpaste on. "Yeah, I'm fine. There is something I want to tell you though."
He looks at me in worry before setting his brush down and reaching for my hand. "Did something happen?" He has no clue what I'm gonna tell him. "No no, well yes but it's a good thing." He looked confused now. "Did someone do something- I kiss him to shut him up and actually tell him the good news. "Noah, I'm pregnant. " his lips parted but not in the way I was hoping to see. He looked like he was scared and full of regret. "Please tell me that's not true " I knew he didn't want another baby after those words left his mouth.
"You don't want it." I said looking away from him. "Eleanor, I don't want anymore kids that we might lose. Ellie, we're not in our twenties anymore, why wouldn't you- he covers his face with his hands and turns his back to me. "Noah, this is you too. This baby is from you and me and if we're supposed to have another baby then we will. " he eventually turns to me again.
"I have f*cking cancer! If I die then who's gonna help you raise two kids all on your own?" He had a good point, but I know the guys... well Folio would help. "Noah, we know people-
"Eleanor, I'm not doing well and if I die... that baby won't have a father and what about Sebastian? He doesn't even know I'm sick!" He was freaking out and thinking of the worst.
"What do you want me to say, Noah?
I'm sorry. Don't ask me to have an abortion, I will not kill another baby." I don't know how that memory came back but it did, I still hate myself for losing that baby boy.

"Have the baby or put it up for adoption, either way I don't want it."
He's terrified of what could happen and doesn't want to go through it again. "No! That's my choice "
"Fine! Don't come crying to Folio when I die and you're screwed taking care of two kids" he yells before leaving the room.

"Noah? This is a blessing for us" I said as he goes into the fridge. "No it's not!
Why do you care about something that's broken us? If you think we'll be a happy family again or this something surrounding love, it's not..
F*ck it! F*ck the past, f*ck this life, f*ck everything! " I was so angry with him. "F*ck you then!" I wanted to die right there after those cold words left my mouth. "Right, f*ck me too. I don't want this sh*t anymore. Don't talk to me about the baby again." He puts his hoodie on and storms out of the hotel room.

God why would you say that to him?
I questioned myself as I sit down on the bed and start crying. I understand why he didn't want another kid, but I'm pregnant for a reason and I don't know if I'll even be able to give birth to this baby.

Noah's POV
I was so f*cking pissed with the baby news this morning. I never planned on having another kid, I just want Sebastian and that's it. I'm scared of what will happen to me for one, but two I don't know how Eleanor's going to raise two kids alone. I don't want to know I'm a father to a child that will see me for five months and then I'm gone. I already feel bad for Sebastian, I need to make up that time with him.

As I walked down the sidewalk, I see a couple sitting together smiling and holding a little baby in their arms. They looked so happy and at peace.
Their baby had the brightest smile as they kissed and laughed. As I was about to pass them, the baby smiles at me. Everything was in slowly motion, it was like I was meant to see this.
I give a small smile back and eventually pass them, but looked back and saw that little baby still smiling at me. Something just hit me so hard and I believe it was some kind of sign from a higher power. Whatever that was, that baby just made me rethink everything.

As I stood there on the windy sidewalk, I knew I needed to go back.
Eleanor is pregnant for a reason and maybe something good will come along with it.....