RUDRADAMINI

Damini's doubts, Rudra's confession and the initiative

Few days later...

Saudamini POV 

It had been a few days since Bhadraji talked to me. And the same few days since I had properly talked to Kunnwarisa again....after the moment we shared in her room. We met each other in the morning after she offered prayers at the temple and Bhojanalay we would exchange pleasentries, but haven't talked anything about that moment. However, I did not get as much free time as I expected. Everyday after our morning prayers and routine, we would launnch ourselves into wedding preparations. I hadn't realised how tedious it would be, from deciding the border design for Jiji's dresses to menu of the food to each event to guest lists and other work, we were swamped. If it wasn't for the help we got from Jijaji's family, I did not know how we would pull it off within 4 months. 

However, my nights, though not as exhausting as the days, still were sleepless. The moment we shared...her closeness...the smell of her cologne....her eyes....everything seemed to be my thoughts in the wake and I would vividly dream about her. My mind would go back to the conversation with Bhadraji and everytime I would think of the realisation I had after our talk, my heart would soar. I knew one thing for sure, nothing that had happened in her past would affect my decision in the present, I was sure I wanted her proximity not due to pity sympathy or obligation, but because I wanted it....my heart wanted it. 

As I stood in the balcony of my room....I sighed a long sigh....I let the cool breeze play with my almost open locks....it was a relatively cold night, but nothing I couldn't bear. I returned to my train of thoughts....Every thing was so new to me....the feelings ....these emotions..... the tension we had between us....I couldn't figure out what was going on, but weirdly, I wanted it to go on, because my heart had answered. I had been to her voluntarily because at that moment, that's what I wanted to be near her......but why.....I didn't know....not then.....but now....I think I started having a slight idea.....maybe I had a crush on her.....I thought and unknowingly....a smile formed on my lips and I fisted my night dress, which rested lightly above my knees. I felt a blush creep up my cheeks.....

But the smile was short lived. What if she didn't think about me...or see me the way I had started to see her....I felt the glow of happiness in me fading...my smile with it too. But her eyes, they didn't seem flirty like in the practice ground....they were dark and deep....and looked sincere...held an unknown emotion in them...those were not the eyes of a person who was just flirting with me or making it a past time...they looked earnest. I tried to reason with myself.

However, doubts started to cloud my head, But she is the princess of  Simhakshetra.....the most powerful empire of the continent. She is the General of that army, the formidable...the powerful Princess Rudrashwini, she must have hundreds of ladies swooning over her....I have no chance against all of those beautiful princesses and daughters of the nobles, why would she look at me, let alone fell the same way I feel about her. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, I sighed a long deep sad sigh and made my way into my room.

I pushed the drapes around the bed aside and pushed the comforter and settled myself into the bed comfortably. It had become a routine for the last few days....the thoughts in my minding having a debate on their own and everyday, I would go to bed with this hollow feeling in my heart....finally falling asleep with her on my mind.

I woke up the following day, got ready, wearing a pastel green lehenga. I made my way to the temple built within the palace. Since it was quite early, there were only a few attendants walking in the corridor. I could hear my jhanjhar loudly in the empty corridor. I made my way into the temple and my eyes fell on her. She was sitting infront of the shivling. Having finished the Rudrabhishek, she was chanting the gayatri mantra with rosery beads. Her eyes closed, she was chanting the mantra. I could feel the concentration on her face. She looked so much at peace, serene....almost divine. I smiled and kept staring at her. After what felt like an eternity, she finished chanting, so did guruji and pandit ji. She brought the beads to her forehead and then kept them reverentially beside her.