Angel ♡ Eyes

♡Chapter 49

The firelight flickered in the darkness of the night. Embers flying up with the smoke and ash. The flames dancing hungrily across the logs, eating away at the wood.

Buttercup kept a hand tucked away under her shirt on her stomach, savoring the warmth. The feel of skin on skin. The reminder that maybe she wasn't a machine fully.

She needed to think. Her mind was full of lifeless thoughts, a graveyard of tears and memories that had died but never left. How was she supposed to not kill anyone? She'd been given a mission. A mission that tore apart the very being of her heart, soul, mind, and spirit. Everything was battling eachother in a race. And she was scared to see who would win.

Offering to take first watch meant she'd have time to think. She'd volunteered to leave. Stay back with the professor. She could do no good on this mission. She was their weak spot. They could find them because of her.

Why did she ever think she'd be able to handle it? Be able to live normally? What had possessed her to think she'd ever actually have a chance at life? Nobody was safe as long as she was around. She was a machine. Easily corrupted. Easily controlled.

Maybe she should just shoot herself? No, that wouldn't work for a number of reasons. One being she didn't know if anyone had a gun. Two, how would she convince someone to let her borrow it? And three? She was programmed to be unable to kill herself.

Fucking programming.

They had a plan! They had a good fucking plan!

And now they're back to square one once again.

Monster.

Machine.

You're not human.

She didn't have the energy to tell the voices to go away. To tell them to leave her alone. Heck, she was so close to just giving in. Yeah, she was a monster. Yes, she was a machine. Yes, she wasn't human.

"B-Fly."

Buttercup didn't know if she had the energy to deal with him either.

But instead of leaving her alone, he just sat down beside her. He was probably looking at her with that god-awful look he had. The one that she'd come to realize meant he was reading her like a book. As if she'd never had a lock in the first place. An open door.

She didn't look over at him. She kept her eyes trained on the fire. Maybe he'd just leave her alone. That's what she wanted, right? To be left alone. To wander down a rabbit hole of thoughts all by herself?

"Butters..." he sighed. Now he was probably running a hand over his face or hair. "Look I—" He broke off.

Buttercup turned her gaze up towards the sky. Following the trail of spoke, up the trunks of trees, and along the path of stars that speckled the midnight sky. She listened to the voices, cruel and twisted. Mean and malice.

Monster.

Machine.

You're not—

'—Fucking human, I know.' She shot back at them. Her own inner voice a stark contradictory to its.

Buttercup shook her head. "This is so fucking stupid." She said through gritted teeth. "All of this. I mean, seriously?" she gave a half-hearted laugh. "We can't keep winning if we keep loosing. Each time we think we've finally got an answer, and then BANG! Curve ball. We're five steps behind again. I feel like we're on this ride that has no intention of ever stopping. Mission, after mission, after mission. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being thrown around like a rag doll. But it's all I fucking know how to do. And now? Now I can't even figure out how to not follow through on a hit. It's a big pinned paper taped to my forehead!" She threw her hands out infront of her.