I spend every morning
Every night
Looking in the mirror
Seeing all the defect
Every little thing that is out of line
Something reminds me of who created me
I have the same eyes as my father
The same face as my mother
I look further down
How I wish I could pick up the scissors I have in the draw by my bed
And cut off the rolls
Cut off the squish
Cut off everything
I wish I could change so much about myself
I stare in the mirror so often that I no longer recognize the person starring back at me
I hear my voice and think it's that of a stranger
I have very rarely thought of myself as pretty
I can count the times on one finger
1.
When I was 8, I wore a Cinderella dress to Disney World and the bus driver taking us back to our hotel told everyone aboard to "be on their best behavior because there is a princess aboard".
2.
When I went to the winter formal, I wore a form-fitting green dress and felt pretty dancing on the floor.
3.
Prom, I wore a beautiful blue ball gown and got called Cinderella by everyone, I made new friends that night. The makeup, hair, dress, and heels uplifted me.
4.
Last year October, late at night. he looked me in the eyes, held me in his arms, and called me his "pretty lady", that I was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen
That last one was the most potent of them all, the rest I was dolled up. this one though
This one
I was just me
After a long day of work
And yet
In his eyes I was pretty
Then it was taken from me
He lied about so much
He left me
And
Here I am left wondering if he lied about that too
Probably
There is no way someone would look at me and think
"That is mine right there"
"That is my pretty lady"
"That girl right there is beautiful inside and out"
That is the funny thing about good moments
They are few and far between
They never last
And are hard to remember
Like me in a way
