The one thing I tell people is that I will stay no matter what you throw at me
I will stay through it all
But you
You tested the very fiber of that
The willingness I have to stay with someone after I have been stripped to my core
You put me through everything
Everything you knew would break me
And when it did
When I had to call it quits because I had nothing left of myself
You blamed me
You called me a liar
You said I abandoned you
When all I wanted to do was survive you
To show you the love I thought you had never seen
You said everyone left you
I knew what that felt like
I wanted to be the one who stayed
But I found out why everyone left
Why you didn't have anyone at your side
How you treat the people you say you care about
You push them closer and closer to the edge of the cliff
Then get mad when they fall
You wanted love so I planted seeds of adoration
Commitment
Care
Let them blossom into love
Beautifully crafted
Made from my very own blood
The essence of me
I tore myself apart to give you the beauty of love
And you took it and set it on fire
Watched it burn with a smile on your face
then got mad when the flower was reduced to ashes
A burned
Destroyed form of what was once beautiful
He claimed to not be like how everyone in my past had treated me
But you took what I told you about them
A doubled down
You took the hurt they gave me
The hurt I had finally was starting to heal and get over
And unearth it
You dug and searched for what would hurt me the most
Then acted innocent what I lay crying
When I looked utterly lost
What was in utter defeat
Not only did you do all that
The he night after I told you about my absentee father you became him
Embodied his treatment of me
I stood their beaten and bloody
From carving myself up to fit what you wanted
Anything you didn't like I cut off
Shaped to be what you wanted
But in the end
I realized I wasn't the girl you wanted
I was a girl who happened to be available
For you to hunger
For you to rip apart
Then leave
I realized a few weeks later
You didn't see love the way I did
You saw it as a challenge to see how far you could push me
Push my love before I broke
You delighted in my suffering
I hope I never have to deal with you again
I hope that God take revenge for me
I hope that one day you realize what you put me through wasn't fair
That you lost a girl who would have done anything for you
Who loved you despite you failings
Who wanted to grow with you
I hope you grieve what could have been
I hope it tears you up inside
But most of all
I hope
That God can help me forgive you
And leave this anger behind
So I no longer give you the satisfaction of thinking about you
Of writing about you
To the guy who got my everything and left me a Hallow nothing
I hope you know
I'm still alive
I still have love in my heart
And you will never know what it feels like to truly love with a heart so dead
