We hadn't spoken for days. Well, I hadn't spoken to him for days. He's been begging me, sending me texts, calling, sending my friends to talk to me but I just ignored him.
What he did was unforgivable. I told him that the last time we talked. And I meant it.
I did mean it. How could you forgive something like that? It was just a silly argument. Nothing serious at first. We were sharing our opinions on the relevance of social media. He said that he believed it was fake, like most people did. People were not as good looking as they portrayed themselves on social media in real life most of the time because of editing and filters.
People's lives aren't perfect but social media creates the illusion that it is. I told him that I respected his opinion and most of what he said made sense but I believed that social media doesn't always do that. I told him that it helps you build relationships, it educates you, helps with your mental health, and it helps people celebrate their looks and their unique qualities if no one wants to.
That was when it got heated up. For some reason, it irritated him so much that people, especially girls, posted themselves on social media and it hurt me a little because I was a part of those people.
“People who post themselves all the time, if it isn't about something really important or relating to their career, just do it, in my opinion to make others feel jealous, or to try and show that they're better than everyone, or to cover up their insecurities and make themselves feel better–”
“Wait, hold up, are you saying I post my pictures on “social media” because I'm insecure about myself?”
“What? No. You're beautiful the way you are. I just think it's not necessary to always post yourself on there to ascertain that fact. It actually seems like you're…insecure.”
I was indeed insecure about myself. He tells me all the time, of course as a supportive boyfriend should, that he thought I was beautiful. And appreciated it. But I still felt like I just wasn't good enough. And I always overthink it. He knew how much I overthink everything. Every single situation, I thought about it too much.
And his last statement hit a nerve. He was supposed to be one person who should make me overthink less. Not even much more than I already do.
“Oh so you think I'm insecure?”
He furrowed his brows at me.
“What? No! I just think people seem insecure when they always post themselves on social media, especially with filters and all that.”
“Exactly, and I do all that. So indirectly you're saying I ‘seem’ insecure.”
He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. Guilt flashed across his face.
“I'm sorry.”
“No, it's fine. Because I am insecure of myself. And thank you so much for telling me that you can see that. And then being so condescending to me and every other person who posts themselves on social media.”
“Maddie, I'm sorry! That's not what I meant!”
“No it is but you just want to be nice about it. It's clear what you're trying to say.”
He sighed.
“Why do you even stress so much about this insecurity thing? The way I see you, there's nothing to be insecure about!”
“But the way I see myself, there is.” I began to sob. “Everything about me is not good enough. It just never is. No matter what you say.”
He ran his hands through his hair and you could see hurt flash through his eyes.
“I don't want to argue with you so whatever you think, sure.”
I gasped and the tears finally fell.
“Alright then Marcus. You can leave…”
“Huh…? Maddie, I'm sorry!”
“If you don't leave, I'm leaving,” I sobbed and tried to see through the tears clouding my vision.
“Maddie, please. Please just forgive me. I didn't mean it like that!”
“Marcus, I can't forgive you for this, just leave or I leave!”
Through my crowded vision, I could see his eyes well up.
“Please…”
I began to walk out the door but he beat me to it.
“It's your house, stay. I'm sorry.”
With that he left.
***
I just couldn't bring myself to forgive him.
But I did miss him…
It was frustrating.
The memories always came and it was hard to ignore.
There was a particular memory. A really special one. It was this cute thing we had whenever we'd go on a date or just take a walk.
If we were lucky, of course, and the sunset was out, beautifying the sky, we'd go to the one of the many nectarine trees, sit on the grass, pick one and eat while watching the sun set. It was a beautiful little thing we'd always done. And we do it often. Sometimes each week, sometimes each month. It was magical.
My phone beeped and I received a message from an unknown number saying that I needed to come to the park. I didn't know what it was for or who it came for, but I was too sad to care at the moment.
I walked to the park and gasped when I saw Marcus standing by one tree, his eyes seemingly sad.
“One more time, just like old times?”
I took in a deep breath and walked over to him. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a tight hug. I let him and I stood there sobbing.
“I'm sorry. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?” he asked while still holding on to me.
I nodded. “Nectarine.”
“Of course!”
We both sat on the grass and redid one of our best memories.
---
Not bad
