*SOMETHING RELATED TO MY BOOK, FALL IN SAN DIEGO THAT I NEVER USED IN THE STORY BUT IS STILL PART OF IT, LIKE A BACKSTORY*
“I wonder if you really like her.”
I looked up from my back pack.
“What do you mean by that?”
“I mean you're not really acting like you're heartbroken or anything.”
I chuckled dryly. “I guess I'm just so good at hiding my emotions most of the time if that's it.”
“I get that but it's just so hard to hide a heartbreak all the time. And it's so hard to be so…normal all the time.”
“So what're you saying? That I actually don't like her?”
“You don't have to. And you don’t have to tell her that you do.”
“You think I want to?” I asked, getting up suddenly. “You think I'm loving the fact that I have feelings towards that girl?”
“Just be honest, Larry.” He spoke so calmly. It irked me.
I stood there, staring at him, my eyes wide and my mouth slightly open.
“What the fuck are you even saying?”
“Larry, come on,” he went on, in that annoyingly calm tone. “You don't even look at her–”
“No, because I don't want to! Why the fuck would I want to look at someone who–” I paused to look at him. “Why are you even acting like you know so much about love?”
He looked taken aback by my words and I blinked. I didn't mean to sound so harsh.
“You spend a few days with me in the forest and you think because of that you know everything about my life?”
“No, sorry. I don't. Was there…anyone?”
He walked a few stapes away to a large fallen branch and sat down on it with a sigh.
I raised my brows at him in silence. He sighed and looked up into the sky. And he sat there, staring off into the sky wistfully.
“Her name was Jessie. She was really really pretty, and kind. She liked to draw and paint…she liked art, generally.”
I nodded and sat down, listening to him quietly. I'd never seen him like this before, it was so strange.
“She wasn't really a shy girl but she wasn't really social so I figured, hey maybe she could like me or something. So I walked up to her and we started to talk.
"She got even better and better as I got to know her. She was funny, very cute, caring and she was so genuine. And she didn't have a boyfriend. We got to be friends, she showed me all her artwork and they were all amazing. I showed her my writing and she read them all so enthusiastically. God, I loved her.”
“Sounds like you liked each other.”
“That's what I thought. We hung out all the time, we became closer each day and I got more comfortable with her. It was magical. I felt so lucky.”
He looked down at the ground and plucked weeds from the soil, he looked so far away.
“I was shy so I never asked her about us. And she never said anything too. I didn't mind at the time. As long as I was with her, I was happy and I didn't care about anything else. We were just fine.” He took a deep breath.
“Until we kissed. I can't even explain how I felt about it. I just felt so ecstatic. Like, anything else could go wrong but it'll be alright. I kissed Jessie. We kissed. That meant we really liked each other. It meant she liked me.”
“That's great!”
“Yeah, it was…until I saw her kiss someone else just a day after we kissed.”
I gasped softly, feeling so bad for him.
He chuckled humorlessly and shook his head.
“It was funny because that day, that morning, that exact time I was going to meet her, I was on my way to ask her to be my girlfriend.
“So, as you'd expect from me, I left and stayed on my own for the rest of the day. That day was really horrible and I just wanted to get home, cry and write poetry.
"I was on my way home immediately after the last class, when she ran up to me and started to beg me to listen to her. I shrugged helplessly and listened. She said she was terribly sorry for leading me on and blah blah and how she didn't know when it all happened etc.
“Suddenly, the guy I saw kissing her came over and kissed her again, just there in front of me. I was fed up with the whole thing and so I started to walk away but then she called out my name and told me to wait. Then the guy who'd just kissed her started to laugh and asked her what was going on between us, if we were like a thing or something.
“Then she laughed and said, “what? Peter? Did I tell you my type was nerds? Like ew no.” By that time, tears had already clouded my vision and I just really wanted to go home then. So I did. And she didn't even talk to me after that. The guy asked her to go somewhere with him and she followed him immediately.
"So basically she didn't talk to me again. And I also didn't talk to her. I still haven't gotten over her till today but I kinda hate her and don't want anything to do with her at the same time. But it still hurts. That's what I'm trying to say.”
“But…you're also not acting like you–”
“Well she's not around me everyday so it's definitely easier. Tanya's literally sleeping in a tent with all of us. If Jess was around me, you'd definitely notice something. I'd let my guard down, even if it's just for once, one tiny moment. But you…it's just.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “But…just because I had a stupid little crush doesn't mean that I know everything about it and…people are different I guess.”
“Why do you even care so much?”
“Because it's not fair for Tanya,” he said stiffly. “She's like my sister you know. She got her heart broken by someone she loved so much and now a guy she likes is telling her that he also likes her back but can't be with her and it might not even be true! I mean, even if she doesn't have to get to be with you…she deserves honesty. She deserves to be loved by someone who says they love her…”
He looked up at me, his eyes were hardened. “If you don't like her…don't lie to her. Its not fair and she's going through a lot. Okay?”
I was a bit shocked, frankly, and didn't respond so he asked again.
“Okay?”
I nodded.
“And I do. I like her. I…I really do.”
