ꜰᴏᴏʟ'ꜱ ᴍᴀᴛᴇ || ᴛᴡᴅ

113: ʟᴏᴏꜱɪɴɢ ᴍʏ ʀᴇʟɪɢᴏɴ

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Surprisingly, Rachel was the one to volunteer to go with Sami to get Maggie's people. 

It was honestly quite a nice trip. The sun shone through the trees, the Whisperers were dead. They were beaten. Maggie was back.

For the first time, Sami consciously knew they were safer. Yeah, he still had a horrible, heavy feeling on his chest, but that would pass, eventually. He himself knew they were one step closer to being peaceful again. 

Rachel, however, could feel a fury so raw she thought she might lash out, as her father had. It was as if his blood truly was coursing through her veins. She hated herself for it, but couldn't erase it. 

Carol. Daryl had forgiven her. So why can't Rachel? God, she wished she was a good person. then this would all be much easier. 

But she wasn't. She was Rachel. So, the fury continued to fuel her. 

Guilt was among it, too. Guilt at what she'd done with Negan and Grace. How could she put Maggie through that? Maybe not having Maggie here made Rachel forget what the pair had done. 

They didn't reach Maggie's people before dark, however. First coming across a parking lot filled with walkers and shipping containers. 

Sami thought he'd be fine. The Whisperers were gone. He should be okay, now. 

But, he cut down several walkers, easily. With them having no weapons, and Coco and Rosita safely being back home, he could fight like normal. Rachel kept her distance, always. It was a tactic Daryl came up with, years ago, when he realized the sounds of too many walkers makes her confused, angry, and sometimes plain stupid. So, she stays back and shoots arrows. 

That meant Sami didn't have to worry about anything. Just kill walkers, nothing new. It was . . . Refreshing. Empowering, even. They were so easy to put down, he felt like he did before. Maybe he wasn't as fucked as he thought. Maybe he was still the same Sami who was around before Coco was born.

Until he went to stab one in the head, and Cole swung his sword through it's neck instead, decapitating it, making it's head role to a stop at Sami's feet. 

He blinked, hard, as the world around him couldn't be seen. He looked at the ground, but couldn't see it. All he could see was the blood, soaking into the hay upon the ground of the barn, all the voices overlapping, warm blood upon his face . . . 

He jerked away from Maggie as she took his arm, knife dripping with blood, a walker's body right in front of them. Had it been going for Sami? Had he missed it?

"You alright?" She questioned. 

He nodded, but he wasn't. He felt sick. Why was that still happening him? They were gone! Why did he have to keep seeing them?

"I'm fine."

He kept vigilant, almost too much so, for the rest of the evening. Rachel kept an eye on him. It was so bizarre to her. Sami was always so tough growing up. He still was, but she wondered if that's what people meant about 'loss of innocence' or 'losing your religion'. Was Sami her religion? Him being so strong and tough? And now that she's older she can see it all for what it really is? Bravery and stupidity, rolled so tightly into one person you can never tell the difference. The only special thing about Sami is his choices. He's not some superhero, no matter how much she believed him to be.

She wanted to keep believing, though. It made her feel like he'd be here forever. 

After walking about the camp and fences 12 times, checking every single thing, Sami finally made his way into the shipping container Maggie was inside. She was sitting on the ground with a lamp, holding a damp cloth to her cut arm. Apparently it had been injured during the fight, but she said it should be okay.